chantale renee

2010-12-30T16:41:00.003-05:00

Well, as 2010 comes to an end, I am found in my congratulatory office chair.

For it was a job well done kinda year.

Mostly, best wishes to all of you.
I hope health, success and happiness continue to harmonize in the new year.

I would like to announce that the "cryptic" bloggings section of this website will soon be retiring.

Stay tuned for, yet again, another transformation.

Love,
CR

toe-crane.

2010-10-06T23:21:00.005-04:00

the climb starts now.

circumstances bestow my feet
and my toe-crane

dainty and feminine

perks them without defeat

dark purple feather
and bright yellow jewel
tickle me now
it's costume season
and i want to dance for you.

meet bindle.

2010-09-13T16:06:00.001-04:00

stating the obvious.

2010-08-27T19:27:00.004-04:00

this breath of fresh air
slides in from monumental greens
into an open window
where waves of sunset
cover dampened sheets

and
safely where it feels best
taste nestles the
buzz-lines,
refining
the age of exhilaration

remarkable apparatus.

2010-08-25T23:09:00.004-04:00

funny, the things you turn to

sorts of the 'f' class
hours of research
what can i do
what can i pick up
where's my impulse button

overlooking
endings
mapping
mountains
cat scratch by cat scratch

dig into that cookie jar
magazine fingers
grip onto that suitcase
bitter-sweet face
you've got eyes that tell ya
gunshot lips
don't hide

idea.

2010-08-13T02:39:00.003-04:00

one day, i'm going to open up a restaurant that serves grilled cheese
-with a side of DILL relish.

yes, and we'll call it the 'celebratory meal'.

because that's what I just ate.

itchy feet.

2010-08-03T01:46:00.002-04:00

everything is bunnies, wish-fluffs, fireflies and heat birds.

while my mind-sponge soaks up the 'prov, i almost always make sure to take some time out.

a stroll in the park, a skype date, or perhaps an additional scene to my one-woman show... times like these make me miss my nine walls.

in a mere blink, you'll catch me Toronto, won't you?

Uncle Fun, Chicago.

2010-08-01T01:09:00.005-04:00

Sure enough, this happened.

A big thanks to the gang at Uncle Fun for letting me clown around.

evidence.

2010-07-20T01:45:00.002-04:00

i've found a new favorite way home.

it's just 'up west on cornelia'
and i like the way it rolls off my tongue.

also, Clark street on the day of a cubs game- NUH UH.
you'd swear some people make a living just by having a couple extra parking spots...

friends from all around the world,
a great tan
and up next, Chi-town greets the Man.

i'm fucking happy.

emotional opportunism.

2010-07-11T21:39:00.004-04:00

those two words keep repeating themselves to me today.

must be the impact from the JB workshops... although, it strongly relates to my immediate state.

i feel like i just took out the trash- and there's a new, big, bright, white bag, waiting to be filled.

the other one is sitting on the curb and there's no looking back- even if blankie's in there.

i've allowed them to take him away.

this is what i've signed up for... tomorrow's going to be like Hogwarts, i hear...

and i'm "bound to come home in tears", my house-mate warns.

it's all valuable and failure is inevitable.
kind of like fat camp.

home sweet home!

2010-07-10T18:59:00.008-04:00

David Schwimmer (my bike) and I just beat the rain.

I hear the grumbles from my cute little bedroom window.

I tell you, he's the one who's getting cat-called! In Chicago, many strangers smile and say hello to you. Of course, that's easy for me to say- the bell I ring sounds like an amplified door bell.

HELLO! CUTE GIRL WITH A HOT BIKE COMING THROUGH!

I am still familiarizing myself with my surroundings. Roscoe Village and Lakeview are two very beautiful neighborhoods... It's funny, I know I'm on my way home if a forty-something hippie-fellow, sitting on his front porch on Addison, waves the peace sign while music blares from his house. Comforting, really.

It's only been a few days and I can hear myself picking up the accent. Especially in scene work. It's really easy to imitate and far more relaxed.

I'm taking a Joe Bill workshop this weekend and the intensive classes start on Monday. Already, I've learned a lot. It's kind of like sensory overload, but in the best possible way.

In between the park-hunts, shows and improv nerd-outs, I've been toying with the idea of street performing. I hear it's a bit more of a challenge here... but I'll have to see for myself. "Uncle Fun" has offered me a spot in their store window... which could very well be a start.

this shark has landed.

2010-07-07T22:54:00.004-04:00

to think,
it's been years in the making! ...and now, i'm finally here.

time to get to work!

i'm being housed by chicago's finest folks, and feel right at home.

i've also made fast-friends with the sweetest pup and tomorrow, i build a bike!

52 pick up.

2010-06-20T20:28:00.003-04:00

a painstakingly long goodbye
brings
a bitter-sweetly placed
set of new
cards

top deck,

i am the ace of spades.

in the works.

2010-06-04T00:05:00.002-04:00

take me
to where the beautiful people
walk backwards

where fog horns
wake morning in the afternoon

blue birds
chirp to you
as you make your way out

cue trumpets.

2010-05-28T18:18:00.004-04:00

i remember exactly what today feels like.
those scorching afternoons,
in the back seat of mom's oldsmobile
with the adult contemporary.

frustrated by the seat-belt, still-
i squint up at Mr. sun
and shout

SU-SU-SSUDIO!

spontaneous c.

2010-05-25T01:16:00.001-04:00

i'm getting a taste of what it's going to be like
and unlike any other vice
it's drawing me
in
and outside the lines.

forceway.

2010-05-12T19:32:00.005-04:00

pasts create the paths
that define us
they map out our direction
tell time along the edges

the present presents
age of wisdom
this glistening, golden nugget
perfectly
ripe for the picking

collided
in the now
magic tension sparks
the light show
no one has ever put on for me

clear like the wind
your soul/shadow slides in,
as the boat to my water
gliding in a blissful sea

un-masked and naked
i am all for thee.

something romantic.

2010-05-07T15:16:00.004-04:00

when words don't look like what they should sound
when waters give you unbalance
when shadows lurk through curtains at night
when darkness becomes your spider

like sunlight,
i'll follow you

like sunlight, like sunlight, like sunlight-i-i-i-
i'll follow you

when taking flight to a higher ground
when failure invites a party
when shoelaces entwine around your neck
when wizards destroy your tower

like sunlight,
i'll follow you

like sunlight, like sunlight, like sunlight-i-i-i-
i'll follow you.

when strangers hand you unwanted mail
when heartbreak leads to disorder
when puddles perfectly time their moves
when taste-buds lean towards sour

like sunlight,
i'll follow you

like sunlight, like sunlight, like sunlight-i-i-i-
i'll follow you

when fiction riddles without a reward
when actions sink like treasures
when bedsheets become your world cocoon
oh, when bow-ties lose their power

like sunlight,
i'll follow you

like fragrance, like foul farts, like that guy-i-i-i-
i'll follow you.

anti-social.

2010-02-26T22:51:00.002-05:00

if these walls could talk
they'd spit
misleading whispers

cluttering the cork

uncertainties
cruise in
shitfaced and famous.

I couldn't be more proud.

2010-02-09T15:54:00.001-05:00

artifacts.

2010-01-13T20:24:00.008-05:00

immersed in calming seas
barricaded from the green
a knight
on a mountain top
harmonizes with the wind

castle-bound by a mighty tide
he climbs the nearest tree
with tin cup ears in hand he cries
come sprint away with me

impossibly afraid
of fiercely making mistakes
he twirls his navy cape
and we're in a calvacade

of dusty
artifacts

swept away by delightful shores
her heart dances the night
amongst the wolves he howls for her
exhausted from the fight

awakened by this dreamed-of tale
her hair begins to fall
the night on the mountain top
descends with a crawl

impossibly afraid
of fiercely making mistakes
she keys the crate away
and hides a masquerade

of dusty
artifacts

stallion-esque.

2009-12-14T16:19:00.004-05:00

this stallion of a unicorn
gallivants through
timely satisfaction
riding uncharted tracks

haunting feverishly
thoughts adventurously
surprising

lifting my heart
out of the trenches.

Kittens of Comedy II, captured.

2009-12-04T01:24:00.002-05:00

HEY OTTAWA!

2009-11-27T13:39:00.000-05:00

cool + the gang.

2009-11-06T18:10:00.005-05:00

i saw it already today.

the same life,
-re-lived
on repeat on repeat on repeat

and just like the guy
blah, blah, i'm not interested.

you-
my biggest source of inspiration.

i-
could not say this for all of them.

strong
un-bothered

enough to take it
time time time
time and again
time time time
and time and again.

may it repeat

a girl like i
a girl like i
is of the rare kind.

signed.

2009-10-27T02:03:00.001-04:00

perhaps the twinkle glare
from that one stare
had you flying for a moment.
but it was YOUR kiss
that began
the tangled war
of truth-be-told
boldness.

cold heart regress
in confidence.
no knight-
willing, able or fit-
has rode past the caution tape.

signed,
devoted heart-breaker.

up these stairs.

2009-10-08T23:21:00.005-04:00

lone shark in a tree
fraud hides amongst gremlins
white sheer wind
and
barnacle feet

throb

pounding bass masks
palace place of pleasure
pasts

hibernation nears
fears
while slow gears
fickle-track
lace

you are in a happy place.

2009-09-08T02:10:00.001-04:00

recently, someone described me as the 'mary poppins of comedy'.

and i am okay with that.

2009-09-05T02:09:00.002-04:00

nothing but
feverish aches over here

like drool,
but classier.

waiting on magic
is fun.

wild honey.

2009-08-26T01:25:00.003-04:00

blushing,
you got me
thinking
this might be a good idea.

your built
magnets my soul

and i
spine shiver
with
rising hair,
tippy-toes

on the edge.

you lean in
and tell me things.

GASP!
antici-patience.

big debut.

2009-08-02T14:41:00.009-04:00

Touch My Sereotype debuts @ unit 102 on thursday, august 13th, 9pm.

it's a free show folks! -TMS launched.

hey you.

2009-07-14T03:43:00.004-04:00

while you move on quickly,
with a slightly different version of me-
spare yourself the embarrassment.

with a diamond-plated shield, and some form of chastity belt,
it's a sane space
i recommend you visit-
on your own time.

we passed each other on the streets.
and we ordered from the same restaurant.

no one would of ever guessed we had a past.

the benefits.

2009-07-03T01:31:00.004-04:00

ever look at the people surrounding you and think:
"you are who you hang out with?"

it nice to have other chaotic personalities around.

there's so much talent in this city.

the reeling.

2009-06-24T00:19:00.004-04:00

by passion pit:

"we dug these holes we crawled into
now they're my home.
now here i cannot feel the wind,
can't feel the rain, (oh no!)
and i believe
in gentle harmony
well how i loathe
all this obscenity-
is this the way my life has got to be?
have i a single opportunity?

look at me
oh look at me
is this the way i'll always be
oh no,
oh no

now i pray
that somebody
will quickly come and kidnap me
oh no,
oh no

everyday
i lie awake
and pray to god today's the day
oh no,
oh no

here i am
oh here i am
oh when will someone understand?
oh no,
oh no

and all at once i feel this,
oh how it clings to me.
it reels and calls me towards it,
confounding destiny.
and i can feel the madness
inch by inch
the more i run
the more i am convinced
a color all these
like the branches glimpse
just like the saddle in the foggy mist."

the last plea.

2009-06-16T01:00:00.003-04:00

i thought i was done.
it thought it was over.

i had imagined the last time being that last time,
or perhaps that time before then.

you play like you've never heard it

and you love
like a manipulative beast
that shapes its prey
into enemies,

slush.

with a heart, endlessly defeated-
i ask this-

is this another round of mistakes?
is this a conscious team effort?

will you ever wake up?

best week of my life.

2009-05-30T00:36:00.003-04:00

oh man.
this week's been crazy!

so much,
that i need to express it in the way i would,
that time ago.

the excitement,
the friendships,
the projects,
the HYPE.

atlanta! vancouver! edmonton! new york!

this safe niche,
houses characters a-like.

what a week it's been.
and to think

there's one more night.

(check it out)

June 5th!

2009-05-25T01:28:00.000-04:00

GRIZZLY BEAR!

the avalanche.

2009-05-22T21:27:00.006-04:00

every time i begin to embark on a new journey
sigh.
(this one has the real-kind of baggage)
i crash and fall.

it's a pattern
in this dark messy mind of mine.

break free
blackbird-
take these broken wings and fly.
leave it all behind.

not a single drop, speckle or dime.

anticipation.

brings back
two feelings that compliment-

love and success.

F you see K right off.

2009-05-20T01:18:00.007-04:00

you wander about with failing desires
to accomplish
to find-

and hidden
underneath this thick,
disgusting image,
you search
for something
you'll never have.

fix your glasses,
jerk.

dairy belle.

2009-05-15T23:14:00.002-04:00

the perfect refuge.

2009-04-27T20:06:00.002-04:00

joining you
underground
tonight

makes
my heart
smile

a smile
it's only
smiled

once before.

our worlds.

2009-04-20T20:26:00.003-04:00

high fives
+
happy vibes
to the day they collide.

living things.

2009-04-15T20:09:00.000-04:00

the simple ways of communicating have been replaced by a sound
or
a pocket vibration.

mars and Venus create a pattern
that breaks
when another planet intervenes.

then sussudio comes on
and you create the greatest hits.

and then you write again.

2009-04-06T23:33:00.000-04:00

do you know where YOUR dudebuddy is?

momentary phase.

2009-04-01T21:03:00.007-04:00

letterman's intro:
"ladies and gentlemen, the song that brought you together"

words
like

".......ALWAYS......

............SOMETIMES

EASY..........

...TAKE YOUR TIME.........."

it's on repeat
as loud as it can be
and i cringe-cry
because
you're climbing up the stairs
to break my heart again.

nothing of yours
left behind,
hit me.

you'll never change.

&

one day you'll come back,
like the last
and i will hurt you
something worse

&

when we will both be ready

i will be happy.

bat cave.

2009-03-26T23:51:00.002-04:00

now you and I HAVE the greatest love story ever told.

zombie hangouts.

2009-03-23T23:22:00.007-04:00

you know when you don't quite want to throw the towel in just yet?

or when you dip your finger in birthday cake icing and it tastes so good, you dig in for seconds?

... and your mother is in the background saying: "SAVE YOUR APPETITE FOR DINNER!"

or how a limp puppet comes to life once you've picked it up?

__

rich in friends,
with a ten-finger support system-
i am going to do great things.

you, my thumbs up,
have me-
figured out,
and you can't even prove it to the army.

mon coeur n'est pas protege avec toi.
i am not to be molded.

i cried for urgent comfort,
but all i could see
was an undeserving
cowardly shadow.

blurry,
it was,
and unreachable.
with an understated message.

so my heavy heart travels to heal.

...she's looking over me now
and i will be ever-so unstoppable.

i'm a mountain.

2009-03-21T21:39:00.003-04:00

i want to stand on one and shout IT at the top of my lungs!

IT is gibberish i'm sure.

NOW- this is all really happening.

i know why harmer wrote it.

big stretch!

2009-03-20T10:02:00.002-04:00

an early rise,
brings the worm to the bird.

or something like that.

creme brulee.

2009-03-17T20:48:00.003-04:00

0ver-saturati0n.

2009-03-13T22:25:00.002-04:00

dip dabble into day two
and who's still here?
it's you.

let's walk down this road for fun and call each other names to cancel it out,

cool?

secret hand shake!

split a kit-kat.

my first words.

2009-03-13T21:55:00.003-04:00

plant a seed
watch it fly-

creating buzz,
fr e n zy
jealousy,
envy,

the story some wish they wrote.
the song they always sing,
baby!
the next big thing!

____________________________________________________
here's hoping i get an animated reaction from you.
____________________________________________________

THIS SUNDAY.

2009-03-11T18:13:00.000-04:00

-touch.my.stereotype-

2009-03-10T20:35:00.002-04:00

this is going to be awesome.

busy tone.

2009-03-03T22:25:00.007-05:00

with this spring haircut,
and this creature-like posture-

they all come running back
apologizing,
hoping,
we're good as new.

i'm sorry.
but
i'm busy.

talking to my dudebuddy.

smile upon me.

2009-02-28T03:09:00.007-05:00

"go in it" - i said,
gesturing towards the cardboard box you took shelter from.
"it's wicked cold out."

"all i've got
is this garlic bread,
and this cheesecake was twelve dollars."

your one-sided wink
looks awfully humble.

so, i second guess it.

exposed,
like my tight little legs,
i feel your pain
mister pigeon.

stay warm.

the metamorphosis.

2009-02-20T22:53:00.002-05:00

it's time i run the show.

calling my bluff.

2009-02-17T00:37:00.002-05:00

hiding behind similar bushes,
we sporadically pounce with
insults and jabs
that speak of interest.

belongings
surround my space,
like a marked territory.

we are scared to confirm this possession.

downpour.

2009-02-11T22:34:00.005-05:00

like a giant pressure wave
caving in on self-inflicted wounds,
my vinegar stings.

tears, immune to this pain.
empty, like the clouds without rain.

two weeks.

2009-02-09T01:07:00.004-05:00

by: grizzly bear.

"save up all the days
a routine malaise
just like yesterday
i told you i would stay

would you always
maybe sometimes
make it easy
take your time

think of all the ways
momentary phase
just like yesterday
i told you i would stay

every time you try
quarter half the mile
just like yesterday
i told you i would stay

would you always
maybe sometimes
make it easy
take your time"

listen.

no comprende.

2009-02-07T23:58:00.002-05:00

there are many "you"s in my lust library
and it's becoming a tiresome game,
with a double shame.

yet i still crave attention.

MY FRIEND.

2009-02-03T02:15:00.003-05:00

you are two feet and an arms length from me.

and

i sit,
like i do
writing the night away.

we're in danger.

twenty-five things.

2009-01-31T21:45:00.000-05:00

1. i have several kinds of deodorant. different smells for different days/moods. sometimes i just need a little 'tropical breeze' in my pits.

2. i once owned a serious collection of over 75 rubber ducks, which i use to showcase in a display cabinet. one day, i gave them all away to a kid at a garage sale.

3. i take weird pride in my unorganized tea cupboard.

4. i've been fired three times. from socan, the green room and from selling knives!

5. i take approximately 2.5 baths a week. i'm going to say it's because i'm a fire sign.

6. i was raised by dolphins.

7. i think red bean ice cream is THE BEST.

8. i find the "fun" in aquafit classes.

9. when i was younger, i use to think i was peter pan because i could crow really well.

10. i've always wanted to be homeless for a day. i'd put on some stage makeup and dress the part just to see how much money i'd make.

11. i have a weird thing for orca whales. i blame it on free willy. i once called the 1-800 number from the credits and adopted one.

12. i use to play curling, every sunday. i only did it because it was fun to yell "HARDER!" and pretend fly.

13. i still have the nightmares where the alligators are trying to bite my toes.

14. i am afraid of thunderstorms. if i'm not with someone, i will sleep where there are no windows (i.e. the washroom).

15. i sat on my macbook and busted my screen two months after i purchased it (over a year ago). i've become the queen of "shifting windows" since i can't afford to fix it. best part? i am STILL paying for it.

16. i have a notebook for everything.

17. i color co-ordinate my 'things-to-do' in my day planner.

18. i use to play the keyboard. i never listened to my teacher and lied about reading the notes. i could only play by ear.

19. currently, i am buying 2-3 albums a week. music rules.

20. my motto is 'i can do that'. i often take on too much at the same time. leaving some things unfinished. but i try to dabble into a bit of everything.

21. i named my first cat 'mini-me'. i have an austin powers doll in my room. you press a button and he says things like "very shag-a-delic!"

22. i eat a silly amount of sushi.

23. i prefer to use baby soap.

24. i keep a penny in my shoe for good luck.

25. i think my boobs can tell time.

2009-01-30T20:51:00.002-05:00

when the sun hits,
bask in your golf-glory
and run home to your ugly wife.

i was too good for you.

the z remedy.

2009-01-30T01:21:00.002-05:00

tossed, turned and tangled i am
in a sheet cocoon.

eyes shifting nervously,
i wonder
if closure has come unannounced.

the days help constrict
your pillow shape.
while
our patterns
begin to disintegrate.

dry tears fall
in vain
and sorrow weakens again.

TONIGHT!

2009-01-28T17:05:00.000-05:00

Bring your snowshoes.

too much.

2009-01-26T14:37:00.004-05:00

i won't change on the count of your insecurities.

i am who i am,
love me or hate me.

you and i.

2009-01-26T02:43:00.002-05:00

we get into late night trouble.
and
the self-indulgence
WILL
burst in time.

IMPRO A LA CARTE!

2009-01-26T00:24:00.002-05:00

This Wednesday @ COMEDY BAR.
Watch a sneak peek.

2009-01-22T02:14:00.003-05:00

2009-01-22T02:08:00.002-05:00

what a great show tonight!

the sad little bunch.

2009-01-22T00:32:00.005-05:00

there are copious amounts of depression surrounding me.

and it's not even february.

we may find ourselves...

*unintentionally rejecting or pushing away something that we love.

*thinking of what it might be like, on the other side.

*making plans and breaking them.

*taking frequent naps.

*choosing comfort foods over physical comfort.

the laughter shields
our darkest times
as we dance
into their minds.
and all we can really do
is keep talking
like hallmark cards.
because that's how we do.

nanny.

2009-01-21T01:08:00.007-05:00

dans une chambre,
illuminee d'un bleu pale
le cadre de famille
te regarde.

les jours
un apres l'autre
se ressemblent
et la fatigue s'eleve
d'une temperature
inevitable.

les annees
d'amour,
de sourires,
d'histoires plus heureuse
surface nos memoires
sans choque initial

tes yeux
guide d'un chemin faible
se fatiguent
et
depuis longtemps
ils demandent
un voyage.

je pense souvent a toi,
ton amour,
tes garcons,
et surtout ta fille.

du fond de mon coeur,
j'aimerais que tu continues a sourire.

car tu es bien aime.

little sister.

2009-01-18T03:22:00.000-05:00

i just pulled my hair up
with the tension from my arms

how you need a smack!
or a case of whip lash-
SMELL THE COFFEE!

i want you to learn
without these mistakes.
i want you to grow
without my guidance.

but blood binds us.

so
you sleep
alone in the empty room
slurring your case
like a fool
and my head shakes like fists.

shame on you once-
but twice?

i am at a loss
for many things.

bonjour cherie!

2009-01-16T23:43:00.000-05:00

i am really happy you started blogging.

tonight's

2009-01-14T13:44:00.002-05:00

the night we're going to make it happen.

the hardest drive.

2008-12-30T22:17:00.003-05:00

this memory loss is tragic.

goodbye! stories,
lyrics,
poems,
scripts,
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le sigh.

is there life after a crash?

two thousand and eight.

2008-12-28T22:28:00.009-05:00

i've been weeks without inspiration.

and it's not because i've been spending my time in the malls, decking the halls or checking my list twice.

it's because there's some unbalance in my life.

we're approaching a new year, and yet again, i fear i've accomplished less than anticipated.

anyone else with me?

i usually have hand-crafted gifts and cards for friends and friends alike.
but this time, this year, i'm a different person.

i've over-used the term: "this time of year" as an excuse, or a code, to mask my uncertainties.

i've grown into a chest-heavy soldier, who skillfully covers her heart in a tin cup.

i've become selfish and reclusive. two very opposing qualities to my personality.

over my 'silent treatment' of a holiday, i've grounded thoughts and goals for my happiness.

in 2009 i seek change.

this is not nearly a resolution as it is a re-occurring theme in my life.

change.

and maybe companionship, if there's a brave enough dude out there.

ha!

2008-12-02T12:24:00.002-05:00

it's when he said he wasn't sure
that time you were at the bottom of our stairs
eating a banana.

oh the truth comes out.

now.

2008-11-30T02:07:00.002-05:00

we ate guilt-free mcdonalds
and i packed vanilla soy milk from your fridge.

best third date ever.

meh!

2008-11-23T01:07:00.005-05:00

it just got to the part
where we found we
shared a favorite harmer ballad.
so far,
our soundtrack
starts with a bang!

to my surprise,
you crafted two square gems
and topped it off
with mini french cornichons.

a wavelength-
it seems
chemistry, even.

let's preserve this,
like jam.

we're best when we're tender.

2008-11-11T01:41:00.005-05:00

this mess of a week,
has resulted me
in shuffling the world container.

pretend brings my mind
time-traveling
to when the neighbors hated us
and the old man in the distant window
talked to his bananas.

scared brings my eyes
back to the page
where i carefully studied
the words
imitating our reality.

in view,
the perfect summary
and description of where we are still.

am i luv sic again?

fertility.

2008-11-06T22:30:00.002-05:00

there's a wildfire
that started in my head
but somehow,
it's maintained
by a park ranger.

he sits there
confidently and gives me the nod
our secret handshake,
if you will.

unspoken advice is his forte.

and so i keep adding to this fire
and he keeps it under control.

no hose, nothing.

he just stores that extra fire,
in a file
or a folder
or a suitcase.

what if something were labelled "fire!"?
would you open it?

the first encounter.

2008-11-06T22:15:00.002-05:00

i am convinced
i was a new born
and my mother surprised me
one afternoon.

this massive stage
with majestic dark red curtains
opened my eyes to the world for the first time.

yellow lights
blinked in sequence
like the corner of bathurst and bloor
and
sharon, lois, bram and that elephant
graced the silk doors.

i sat there, quietly,
but eyes bigger than before.

skinamarinky dink, skinamarinky doo! i love you.

a secret.

2008-11-06T21:58:00.002-05:00

some long time ago, when i was hyper-excited to learn how to drive, my best-friend and i decided to break the rules.

it must have been a weekday sleepover. i was living with my father at the time, in a townhouse, on a street, i once shared a last name with. my father's friend was staying with us as well, because he was going through a much rougher time.

like batman and robin, my friend and i laid out a plan. i knew, that on the left side of the closet, in a small cardboard box, laid the key to this other man's oldsmobile.

with her watching my back, i remember all my tippy-toe steps, as our escape had successfully been executed. we rushed out and made our way to the visitor's parking. we panicked at the frost on the windshield.

we worried about the cops.
we worried about the fuel line.
we worried about returning and being grounded.

all for a ring around the block.
a boy my best friend liked.

we stole my dads friends car and drove it across town to "drive by" a boy's house.

and to think we thought we knew what love was at the time.

tattoo.

2008-11-06T21:45:00.002-05:00

ink,
dabble, dabble
ink.

ouch.

ink,
dabble, dabble

you're seventeen
and a reverse dollar sign
is said to symbolize
"fame".

your friend,
beside you,
parades her matching stars

you're in this pain together.
and dad's going to be pissed.

uncertainty.

2008-11-06T21:22:00.002-05:00

there's an altar,
and a white-picket fence
outlining the joyous crowds of people
gathered to celebrate love

& the lead, dressed in black
sweats with the hidden
buckle of his knees

whitey has a look on her face
this ken and barbie smile
that framed a lost moment in time.

quickly, like a brick to glass
uncertainty speaks
and one is left alone
with the sighs of shock.

out of fear,
a blurred figure escaped the grass carpet.

goodbye.

2008-11-06T00:11:00.004-05:00

my his-and-hers toothbrush,
with youthful, angry fists,
notices me,
from my messy bedroom floor.

it is true what they say
in the fables.
"many fish in the sea"
"love and let go"
"never two without three."

it repeats itself,
in a monotone way.

i am left hoping
that silence heals
and that
sleep saves

for i am far too worthy of otherwise.

this is hot.

2008-11-02T17:17:00.003-05:00

today,
as i hesitantly sip on my scolding orange-cinnamon and citrus spiced tea,
i hang my first poster since the name change.

i am cheers'ing myself to a job well done.

it has no monetary value,
since my inside smile grows priceless this time of year.

just imagine.

2008-10-28T17:05:00.003-04:00

i bought a lotto ticket today.

how quickly, all things would be resolved.

how giving, i would be this holiday season.

come see this!

2008-10-14T09:24:00.000-04:00

how i know.

2008-10-04T21:57:00.004-04:00

your arms, my visage-
puzzle pieces.
and
they remedy
our sleep.

you're not here.
and
i feel like a dropped call.
or an owl, even.

oO oO.

i've locked my mouth
and thrown away the key.

this makes scents.

2008-09-30T08:35:00.005-04:00

there's something so great about those morning caresses-
where your scent escapes your collar
and follows me all the way home.

grind.

2008-09-06T02:32:00.002-04:00

the sandstone is ground into powdered crush,
pounded!
then crumbled to tiny pieces.
smash!

press it down.

ground on a wheel to sharpen,
polished,
and sanded
like hard work or labor,
against another rub,
grate,
scrape,
rasp.

those three words

2008-08-26T23:46:00.002-04:00

it was hard not to say it.
when i kissed you goodbye this morning,
in my head-
i wished you the most wonderful day.
you looked adorable,
with birthday cookies
in your backpack.

i am as sure as the moon rolls around.

2008-08-13T01:19:00.002-04:00

"he loves you"
escaped her voice
as she held the scribbled
rectangular play-list
you gave me

like a cat
scared of its' shadow,
hiding behind the curtain
i start to shiver,
to destruct
in disbelief
that this can be happening again.

i have been toyed with.
i have loved and lost.
i have given and given.
yet i have gained all that i deserve with you.

and that can only mean one thing.

come see this show!

2008-08-12T15:47:00.000-04:00

how to deal.

2008-08-12T13:43:00.005-04:00

at the ripe age of twenty-five,
all responsibilities should be covered!

like a weighing cloud over my head
i chose to ignore,
until the storm comes sailing in.

how to remain optimistic?
in such a vulnerable state of mind?

it's a mundane thing.
oh, the tight squeeze!
preventing you from happiness.
affecting others.

so you become greedy
and you think of schemes.

so you become sad
and throw a fit like a baby.

and you become angry.
to reorganize yourself.

the cool you, becomes real.
that's how you deal.

falling slowly.

2008-07-30T23:57:00.004-04:00

coldplaying in the new glow
our eyes met more than before-

your soundtrack,
once listened,
astounded me.

this equation
is perfect

you set my heart on fire.

in the news.

2008-07-18T03:40:00.002-04:00

bloody eye,
deo and pizza pops.
behind me-
the cashier takes a look.

my bananas are safe.

flashing lights,
fleeing kids,
beer bottle by the church.
bike walking,
to my left-
a stranger is violently ill.

a silent square outlines
beneath my window-
groups of uniformed
men and women.
never!
in this neighborhood.

tonight,
it is hard to sleep.
yellow lines
refrain the traffic
from my lullabies.

tonight,
i prayed to come home
but i was guided
by a hand
miraculously-
the right place
at the right time.

may heaven rest these poor _unidentified_ souls.