now.

we ate guilt-free mcdonalds
and i packed vanilla soy milk from your fridge.

best third date ever.

meh!

it just got to the part
where we found we
shared a favorite harmer ballad.
so far,
our soundtrack
starts with a bang!

to my surprise,
you crafted two square gems
and topped it off
with mini french cornichons.

a wavelength-
it seems
chemistry, even.

let's preserve this,
like jam.

we're best when we're tender.

this mess of a week,
has resulted me
in shuffling the world container.

pretend brings my mind
time-traveling
to when the neighbors hated us
and the old man in the distant window
talked to his bananas.

scared brings my eyes
back to the page
where i carefully studied
the words
imitating our reality.

in view,
the perfect summary
and description of where we are still.

am i luv sic again?

fertility.

there's a wildfire
that started in my head
but somehow,
it's maintained
by a park ranger.

he sits there
confidently and gives me the nod
our secret handshake,
if you will.

unspoken advice is his forte.

and so i keep adding to this fire
and he keeps it under control.

no hose, nothing.

he just stores that extra fire,
in a file
or a folder
or a suitcase.

what if something were labelled "fire!"?
would you open it?

the first encounter.

i am convinced
i was a new born
and my mother surprised me
one afternoon.


this massive stage
with majestic dark red curtains
opened my eyes to the world for the first time.


yellow lights
blinked in sequence
like the corner of bathurst and bloor
and
sharon, lois, bram and that elephant
graced the silk doors.

i sat there, quietly,
but eyes bigger than before.

skinamarinky dink, skinamarinky doo! i love you.

a secret.

some long time ago, when i was hyper-excited to learn how to drive, my best-friend and i decided to break the rules.

it must have been a weekday sleepover. i was living with my father at the time, in a townhouse, on a street, i once shared a last name with. my father's friend was staying with us as well, because he was going through a much rougher time.


like batman and robin, my friend and i laid out a plan. i knew, that on the left side of the closet, in a small cardboard box, laid the key to this other man's oldsmobile.


with her watching my back, i remember all my tippy-toe steps, as our escape had successfully been executed. we rushed out and made our way to the visitor's parking. we panicked at the frost on the windshield.

we worried about the cops.
we worried about the fuel line.
we worried about returning and being grounded.

all for a ring around the block.
a boy my best friend liked.

we stole my dads friends car and drove it across town to "drive by" a boy's house.

and to think we thought we knew what love was at the time.

tattoo.

ink,
dabble, dabble
ink.


ouch.


ink,
dabble, dabble

you're seventeen
and a reverse dollar sign
is said to symbolize
"fame".

your friend,
beside you,
parades her matching stars

you're in this pain together.
and dad's going to be pissed.

uncertainty.

there's an altar,
and a white-picket fence
outlining the joyous crowds of people
gathered to celebrate love

& the lead, dressed in black
sweats with the hidden
buckle of his knees

whitey has a look on her face
this ken and barbie smile
that framed a lost moment in time.

quickly, like a brick to glass
uncertainty speaks
and one is left alone
with the sighs of shock.

out of fear,
a blurred figure escaped the grass carpet.

goodbye.

my his-and-hers toothbrush,
with youthful, angry fists,
notices me,
from my messy bedroom floor.

it is true what they say
in the fables.
"many fish in the sea"
"love and let go"
"never two without three."

it repeats itself,
in a monotone way.

i am left hoping
that silence heals
and that
sleep saves

for i am far too worthy of otherwise.

this is hot.

today,
as i hesitantly sip on my scolding orange-cinnamon and citrus spiced tea,
i hang my first poster since the name change.

i am cheers'ing myself to a job well done.

it has no monetary value,
since my inside smile grows priceless this time of year.