so soon.

i'll be safe, warm, home and in his arms.

the others have lost again.

i'm insane.

let's stick to the: "don't talk to boys." shall we?

clearly.

sigh.

you know,
it's messed up,
how things happen.
sometimes it's for a reason,
sometimes you see it coming.

this time,
i don't want you.
i'm not replying.
i'm doing just fine, thank you.

the boy downstairs hugged me.

i cry tonight.

exhaustion, filth... sigh.
i need a hug.

everything is on the edge,
the weather,
my bank account,
i can't help but fall.

"what she doesn't know, is that she has created the chaos herself" is whispered behind my back.

"I KNOW!, I KNOW!" I am yelling.

can't I just close my eyes and be September again?
come on, put all my cares away.

the rain

i feel like the world is giving up on me.

and by world i mean friend.

and by friend i mean best.

it's supposed to be a thriller.

during this dark, cold time, filled with change, confusion and joy, i can't help but think, life is beautiful.

it is what you make it.

i'm making it.

time to wear the dollar-sign glasses and stick my middle finger in the air.

oh boy.

my blood boils.

i heard you snicker
through the grape vine,
the "peanut gallery".

for that-

eat shit.


my pain is healed.
my last words are spoken.
and i'll have you know-

they pay my rent.

long distance.

I've had the urge to phone -him- recently. I say -him- like he's my Mr. big, or a god-like figure above any other because, well, it's true. No one will ever understand our love.

It's a dangerous thing to talk about, to write about and speak of.

Speaking of, we spoke late Friday night.

I had been reading his mind. It was time as we seem to be making it a monthly habit. Space: our best and worst.

At best, with our senses altered, we become one.
At worst, with our senses altered, we crave the best.

The TRUTH?
Oh, we ignore the truth.

It's ahead,
but it's not quite clear.

Perhaps it'll take us 12 more years.