sometime, this time.

it was sometime,
this time.

i remember .exactly. where i was.

queen street, dead end bar,
amongst circuit-working comics
and listening to the band.

to my surprise, ring ring.
Montreal was calling.


i was the happiest girl that night.

it was sometime,
this time.

where i was guided by music.
i rocked it out.
fingers in the air.


blissfully, i fell in love with you.

it was sometime, this time.
i probably pinched my ear.

pssst...

i want you back in my life.


...more importantly, my bed.

wear a helmet.

a tutorial.

I love a challenge. Telling me that I can't have the object of my heart's desire, is a sure way to light my fire of determination. Whether it's a new car, a corner office or a heavyweight boxing title...if i want it, i get it. That includes you. Once I am smitten, you have nothing to do but grab the roller coaster and hang on. I will take the lead in romance even if you don't want to follow. I am an ardent creature and a baby at heart. Like a curious toddler, I must explore, touch, taste, smell and nibble everything that catches my attention. And be warned, whether animal, vegetable, or mineral, everything captures my attention.

I pride myself on always being prepared for disaster. If only I could realize that I am the disaster, life in the Universe would be much calmer. When I am angry, the whole neighborhood knows. I endlessly throw down gauntlets, dig up causes to fight for and make enemies out of hapless friends and relatives.

I persue the object of my desire with all the grace of a steam-roller. I am demanding, thoughtless, impatient and could be prone to temper tantrums until I'm too old to throw myself to the ground. I will try and win your heart by sheer force of will and I am capable of pulling outrageous stunts to prove my love. But, remember this, as soon as I taste the thrill of conquest, your lust appeal will start to wane and I am likely to stop calling. In a week, I won't remember meeting you in the first place.

I get off on an adrenaline rush. I'm a sucker for the I'm-not-so-sure-I-want-you game. Saying no to me is like pouring gas on a grease fire. I tend to be attracted to successful people. I don't do modesty and won't notice you if your come-on is understated, quiet or shy. To intrigue me, you must not be afraid of blowing your own horn, patting yourself on the back and/or dropping not-so-subtle hints of negotiating big deals. Yet on the other hand, if you need to be rescued, straightened out, sobered up, or have an enemy crushed, I am also your woman.

I am attracted to the color red.

I am dynamic, sexy and generous with my affection. What this really means is everyone gets a piece, whether wanted or not. Love and casual sex are dangerously close to synonymous phrases. I have the most-notched headboard and the least-used sense of direction.

Can a normal person like you find happiness loving a naval-gazing troublemaker with an erogenous zone attached? Absolutely. Remember, I am a baby. I love to be cuddled, coddled and throw tantrums. So, if you intend to stick around longer than a quickie or two, understand that to me, fighting and screwing are equally arousing.

I am not someone who sits still for very long and I have a lust factor of ten. If I happen to find myself in something committed, you can guarantee you'll be bowlegged. Your friends will be jealous of that perpetual smile on your face.

I love a good scalp massage.

I thrive on undivided attention and adore all the blatant trappings of romance. Moonlight and roses, candle-light and wine, dinner for two. I am also very emotional.

I fall in and out of love faster than a ten-dollar hooker.

I am full of ideas, plans and dreams. I am determined to succeed, have no qualms about trying different paths to achieve my desire and am suprisingly good at just about everything I try. If you listen enthusiastically, be sparing with your criticism, and act appropriately wowed, you will have no trouble keeping me.

I will defend my lover to the death and have an unbridled zest for life that is nearly impossible to resist. Even if I have had my heart broken a few times, chances are I will never lose that optimistic faith in true love.

tag.

my foot was in
a tentative deep-
but the water shook me cold.
i took a breath
stood up,
and looked ahead,
what did i behold?

there he was...
in close distance
blurred
selfish
and still immature.
he laughed
he danced
he haunted my dreams
without me he was for sure.

but there you were...
with open arms
scared
hurt
and badly burned
you cared
you called
you held me tight
you were what i had earned.

yes.
things are clearing up in sight.
we're twins
with no rush in winning
this uncontroled game.
it's so much fun.

i wish i was with you tonight.

security blanket.

it's a sad thing, this blog.

it contains a mixture of memories, inspired by moments that took my breath away.
most of its' contents come from deep within the bottom of my heart
as it is the pillow to my tears, the shoulder to my head.

the pain i have felt, i sit and type to describe.
yet no one really knows, but i.

it was not created as a cry for help
or a boost for my ego.
it is only for certain eyes.
some may stomach,
some are curious-
some may even laugh.

if you've read this far...
i love you.
i've written all of this for you.
i want you back in my life.

but

"i'm not fine, i'm in pain.
it's getting harder and harder everyday."

leaving me out in the cold has built me to hate.