when there is nothing left to burn...

you have to set yourself on fire.

I never thought I'd give rotation to that album again. It brings me back to a series of memories I'd rather forget. Silly how, right now, it mends me and my heart somehow.

I kind of enjoy diving my head into lyrics and songs. From my younger days of dancing to Phil Colin's 'Susudio' to these now uplifting, inspiring years of indulging in GOOD music... I've realised that every moment of my life has a soundtrack. Whether it be good or bad.... Here are some examples:

1) (Michael Bolton: Time, Love and Tenderness) Brings me back to those dress-up birthday parties I use to have, where my mom filmed my girlfriends and I trying to be superstars. We'd take out the treasure chest of old costumes, amplify our womanly features and put on some of my Dad's Cds. I really miss that basement right now. And that big beige comfy couch.

2) (Anything Jackson 5) Brings me back to when my neighboor Phil and I use to host our very own radio station. We'd sit on my front porch with his only cassette and disguise our voices as special guests. Callers would phone in with the help of a 'saved by the bell' portable toy phone. We were the coolest kids on the block.

3) (Michael Bubble: It's a New Day) Christmas 2005. The 495 fire, and rebuilding after the fire. What a hard time it was.

As I gather moments and experiences, the soundtrack just gets bigger. But there's one song in particular that keeps coming back. This time, I felt it more than ever. I loved. For the very first time, I loved.

"God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across point champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name…

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road, from real love…

Live through this, and you won't look back…
Live through this, and you won't look back…
Live through this, and you won't look back…

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say

I'm not sorry there's nothing to say..."

I'm daydreaming again. That's all I'm doing. Either i'm in disbelief or I'm lost up in a cloud, face down, eyes burning from my self-inflicted wounds. My sentences begin with 'I don't know'. I don't know where to go, to begin, what to do.

I'm so emo. But that's not just because of you.

So I've packed my bags and I'm going where comfort takes me. Irrational or not.
It's no longer in toronto.