times of change...

let's recap on what happened in the past few weeks... shall we?

i got fired from my desk job.

...while it was a tiny jab at my 'working ego'... it's also been incredibly liberating, refreshing and inspiring.

i don't know what day of the week it is.
i wake up late, take naps in the afternoon and have the time to strum on my dusty guitar.

i've been indulging in all things that make me happy.

i never wanted to be confined to a cubicle or a lifestyle that wasn't me. i kept convincing myself that money was more important. that paying back my debt what was HAD to be done before I could have fun again. that was the worst thing i could have told myself. everything was going to work itself out. even if i didn't have god damn benefits... i was still going to find a way to pay rent at the end of the month. i wanted to be unstable, working odd jobs and living the life of a starving artist. that's how my juice flows. i let that show in my work, and probably made other people feel horrible for having settled for twenty some odd years. there's a level of respect that's unspoken here.

i'm just a dreamer. sometimes i confuse my ambitious dreams with reality... i outplay a situation in my head so much that i end up convincing myself better things are on their way. and they are. i can sense them around the corner. but someone had to do the dirty work. my contract had to end... and i appreciate the understanding that i wasn't the right fit. i've just never been fired before...

things are looking up in the financial and job departments, ironically. i guess with all bad things come a few good ones. i'm excited to be kelly osbourne again.

i've also fallen into a category i never thought i'd be a part of. the category of people who stay home to watch their favorite tv shows. studio 60 on the sunset strip is phenominal. it's sexy, it's edgy. it's matthew perry. it's introduced me to a whole new perspective on television.... it's OKAY to love a tv show. i just never thought i'd be THAT hooked. even the bachelor I couldn't keep up with. I have a hard time dedicating a day a week for work, let alone a tv show.

who knows what will become of me when 30 rock airs.

i'll probably become a hermit.


_______________________________
sometimes i think i'll be okay.
sometimes i know i am.
we're so bad
we can't stop.
we're horrible at this game.
on nights,
when i feel like a sore loser-
i fall back on the way you said i was beautiful the other night.
the passion in your eyes.
i smile
and think to myself,
i'll never be lonely with you in mind and heart.