one more night...

" try as he might
he's unable to speak
he grabs her by the hair
he strokes her on the cheek
the bed is unmade
like everything is
dark little heaven
at the top of the stairs
take me like that
ruin it all
then build it again..."

episode 1

episode 2

puke

every time i see your name
i'm reminded of how far i am.
my stomach folds, twists and turns
as i watch you climb-
doubtful, young, worried...
i get so insecure and
tangled in thoughts i should never mention or think
they eat me up inside.
yet there are moments
so many moments where i'm convinced
this one's for keeps.

elle oh vee ee.

She read my words. They brought tears to her eyes.
We shared a nice chat over diet cokes.
She spoiled me rotten.
She packed me a lunch with my favorite fixings.
I love her more than words can say.

He held me tight and listened to my baggage.
He offered his wise advice on all my life’s mishaps.
He spoke of how proud he was and clenched his heart.
He says he’ll call more often, but there’s no need.
I love him more than words can say.

She penciled me in a two-hour slot.
She pampered me and opened up.
This time I listened.
I didn’t judge or enforce my opinion.
We shared some laughs, some tears and some convertible hair.
I love her more than words can say.

He’ll crawl into my bed in the late hours of the night.
I'll tell him my deepest thoughts.
We'll hold each other tight.
For that, he gets cookies.

another identity,

After seeing you
I was shook up.
You reminded me of a life I used to live.
A partial figment of my imagination-
That slapped me hard in the face.

There’s a language barrier, a lifestyle,
And a way of thinking that I’m no longer sharing with this city.
I feel ignorant, selfish even, at times.
The roots pulled me in.
The street corners watched me roll in quietly.
I wanted to be heard.
I wanted to be seen.
But this place is safe.
It’s repetitive,
Life-sucking
It’s where my first identity was born.
A life that I take truly to heart.

You’ve grown into a beautiful girl.
Eleven years old and still rubbing my nose.
Is it for good luck?
Or is it to bring me back down to size?
We taught each other that there’s fun to be had.
I miss those days.
In the chaos of the big city and the stresses of responsibility, age…
I just wish I could fall back on no care in the world.
I want to put on concerts in the playground.
Celine Dion would have been jealous of the recess insanity.
I’m glad I got to see you on your birthday.

There’s a different kind of love in this city.
It’s unconditional. It’s something I recognize and wish to see more of.

This time I didn’t want to leave. I really didn’t want to leave.
I made sure to put my ambition and ego away before parting.
That other part of me that is so sure of success yet so irresponsible and unaware of time.

...going home regenerates your soul. Leaving home makes you stronger.

hot.

like a gush of paint splattered across the wall
a panic-driven sweat dripping to no end at all
an aching pain that throbs and hikes
the seconds ticking away, slug-like

right here
right now

i crave you.