It's good to be here.

Time: 10:35pm

Place: Tim Hortons (the 24 hour one next to Place D'Orleans)

Who: A handful of close friends.

What: Reminising about the 1999 New Year's Eve party at Ben's, the return of purple shirts, bumping awkwardly into old curling coaches...

Ahhh, it's good to be back.

Sometimes, I wish I could peak into a crystal ball and see what my life might have looked like if I had chosen to stay in Ottawa 2 years ago.

I don't think I'd trade what I have right now for the world. Everything is positively amazing. The search for a new 853 is over, we have now signed onto the 495. School has a meaningless week left before rehearsals, life is so great.

I'm as happy as can be.

Emotional words.

I'm so lucky to be with you.

56 % satisfied.

I cried today
I never thought I'd crack.
I kept it in
I couldn't get it out of my mind.
I tried to act like I wasn't hurt
I tried to convince myself it didn't matter.

It had an effect
It silenced the room
It made me think unlike myself.
It altered my assumption
It blurred my vision
It put a sharp turn in the fushia road.

I've lost little hope
I've worked hard for this
I've decided to make a change
I've become reclusive
I've turned bitter
I've made too much of a big deal

Am I angry?
Am I jealous?
Am I worthy of a shot?

Is this what I looked forward to?
Is this what I'm crying about?
I'm stronger than this.

Maybe, somewhere along the vivid colors of my dreams-
I'll change my name again.


Cheers to an extra long weekend.

The truth.

I wrote the previous during today's class. Something in me just couldn't take it anymore, I sat there feverishly writing down the words that came to mind while listening to the simulated conversation around me.

It just fucking clicked.

I could write a lot of things on here, but that would just be a big cry for attention. I'm not one to go on about myself. I'm one to make a difference.

There aren't enough 'me's' out there.
I'm sick of fucking fake people.
Life is unfair.


The stars are on my side.

Stress Agents...

Thoughts
Commitment
Disapointment
Destruction
Believability
Perception
Reality
Justification
Integrity
Leaving
Learning
Teaching
Trying
Intelligence
Maturity
Frustrated
Angry
Eager
Anxious
Negativity
Conceited
Cocky
Worthless
Bullshit.

What is all this?
What have I done?
Few people understand
Many see
Fueling the words I write out of anger
My creative fire lives again.

Tough call for the industry.

So I just got home from the showcase... I clocked in at 2 mins and 55 seconds. Man o man what a load off the shoulders.

I couldn't believe how well everyone did, it was unreal to see the amount of talent (the stand up portion) of second year has... There must have been 8 judges there- from Mark Breslin to good 'ol Dave Flaherty.

Quite the show ladies and gents. Excited to find out the results...

Sitting, waiting, wishing.

Danger!

I will not use toilet products that introduce bad spelling habits.

Upper Management Productions.

I am headlining tonight at uh.. let's call it a corporate gig. Yes, my friend Josh has opened a club in North York which coincidentally carries the name 'Club 180'- do you see my dislike face? I told him to call it Josh's Joke Jamboree, but I guess that wasn't good enough. Boo.

There was a party down on Lakeshore last night... in celebration of Steph's belated birthday. The roomies and I hopped into the Kenmobile where the good times automatically began. I swear, I will honestly miss those EMO blarring moments come May. Anyways, I felt like being classy so I ditched the V-beer. Goodbye Labatt Blue, hello Stella Artois.

Good times kept coming as you can read on Charles's site... but come 5:30 am, after one hour of tossing and turning, I decided to grab a glass of water. The sounds of my cracking floor, along with my drunken stumble made me have motion sickness. I started to feel my mouth water... and soon after, ALAS! I was leaning over the toilet bowl... just once, a nice little batch it was. Mostly jam. But what I'm getting to is, that was the first time I have EVER actually been sick off of alcohol.

In celebration of my well deserved admiration, I bought myself a mini screw driver. You're jealous, I know.

Well time to start writing jokes. With 10-15 minutes, I'm going to have to rely on my cuteness to help out.

Bios are for suckers.

I've been trying to come up with a clever Bio for www.reneesummerfield.com and I think I've come up with something original. I didn't want the typical... born and raised bullshit. So here's a sneak peek:

HOW TO MAKE YOUR VERY OWN RENEE SUMMERFIELD:

Take two semi-French people and make them have a girl.

While you’re at it, plant them in the small middle-class rich white town of Orleans, Ontario.

Make the girl go to schools like Reine-Des-Bois, Léo-D-Coté and Ecole Secondaire Catholique Béatrice-Desloges. (…breathe)

Pay attention to her dream of becoming a professional Barbie photographer. (Don’t worry, this will just be a faze.)

..haha, and that's all I'm showing you for now.

Let me know what you think, this site should be up and running completely very shorlty. EXCITEMENT!

J'ai les grignotises?

This past week has been one I'm surprised I managed to live through.

I'm glad things are seemingly back to normal... after I took the liberty of extending my reading week an extra couple of days...

Part of me is completely excited for the month of May to pop up. I'm about to go head on with a bunch of reality checks and changes. Just another one of those 'it's life' moments. You see yourself going through it in your head, and when it surprises you, you can't believe you're living it. I'm moving to my 2nd apartment in Toronto... now a 3 bedroom, with an added awesome roomate. I'm graduating from the program of my dreams (not so much the reality of things now) and I'll begin work as a 'performer' @ fucking WONDERLAND. I'm telling you this year is my lucky year. Year 22.

Come to think of it, year 22 hasn't even started yet, so I'm eager to see what lies ahead.

Now, all there is left to do is climb my mountain of debt, stomp on it real hard (until it's all dust) and save up some dough. By summer 2007 I want to be somewhere in Asia. It'll happen, dreams come true. I remind myself daily that I am living proof that they do.

Day from hell.

But I guess it was worth it in the end.

Cyber Sez you got a job.

Yes, that's right.
You're talking to Cyber Sue, or Sally, or god I don't know. So it turns out that I'm working for Cyber Sez, an interactive virtual reality playhouse for kids... I still don't know all the deets.

I do know, that on the Wonderland map, it's beside that cool place where you make fake videos.

Oh I am going to make sooo many.

I miss my robot.