i'll write you a postcard, i'll send you the news...

ottawa was a great time.
it always is. i miss it.
i miss you.
something about this time, more than the others.


things are quickly back to normal,
replaced.

you'll never be.

i'm fresh, still on my toes... hopefully chapter 18 isn't only in this for the art of teasing. his buzz is far from wearing thin.

On the _ day of Christmas, my roomate gave to me...

this Christmas card...


'On the 16th day of December, my Sushi gave to me...


10 firemen prancing.

9 tenants fleeting.

8 apartment smoking.

7 smoke alarms blarring.

6 layers of soot forming.

5 charrred KITTIES! (except phoebe)

4 days of cleaning.

3 roomates contemplating (murder)

2 unapologetic owners of a blazing sushi restaurant.

1 naked boy in his god damn robe. '



HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO EVERYONE.
WISHING YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS
AND A PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!

Cheers, to Ottawa I go.

burning down the 495.

friday morning.
5:41 am.

i couldn't sleep. my anxiety was acting up again... was it the list of numerous christmas gifts i had to get ? or me wanting to be in Ottawa? ... i don't know. But for whatever reason i was tossing and turning, i thank god for my inability to rest assured that night.

I had mearly started to lay my head when the sound of a fire truck siren had entered my dream. I overheard a loud manly voice yell "GET THE PEOPLE UPSTAIRS OUTSIDE, NOW!"... by then, my eyes had opened, in disbelief, as flashing lights and sirens layed beneath my window. I hesitantly took a peak, muttered an 'OH FUCK' and quickly put on my bathrobe. I rushed into the hallway to see if we had been the cause. Did someone leave a candle burning? Was the stove left on? Was it the idiots downstairs who perhaps left a joint burning between their couch pillows?

All I could see was smoke.
Thick, black smoke.

I couldn't see our living room, our kitchen.
I couldn't see Phoebe.

I then ran into Tanya's room screaming 'TANYA, THERE'S A FIRE IN OUR APARTMENT!' Her beady eyes looked at me, as if I had yet pulled another I think I'm dying moment...Matt, then awoke from his peaceful slumber, scratching himself as he looked around, confused. Once it sunk in, we rapidly grabbed what was of importance (Phoebe & clothes) and booted the hell out of our beloved 3 bedroom apartment.

Running down our flight of stairs will be a memory unlike no other. The inhalation was unbearable, it all seemed too much like a movie, one with outstanding special effects. Run, run, run. our little feet made it to the street. we cheated death, or so it seemed, because at times like these- the circumstances are unpredictable.

We crossed the street to where a friend lives. We stood in silence as the smoke poured out of our windows. The sight was unbelievable. 7 fire trucks gathered to block off bloor street, the whole neighborhood was awake. we were more than awake. we were lucky. a few more minutes in that smoke and i don't want to think what could of happened. Had the firemen not put out the fire that quickly, i would not able to speak, nor write.

New Generation Sushi had had a kitched fire- that was the explanation we received. No further details on what started the fire... scary- because this means it could happen again.

After numorous crying spells, stressful breakdowns, money worries and sleepless nights- no apology was made. The only thing we get is a sign praising how fucking good their sushi is. Topped by another sign asking their beloved customers into welcoming their soon to be brand new renovations.

Clients had the nerve to write things like 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' and 'we miss your california rolls!'

In hate and disgust, i then proceeded to write on this message board of love.

'THANKS FOR THE SMOKE DAMAGE BASTARDS.'

You will never know how scary this feels, until it happens to you.
We're dealing with it. We know we're extreemely lucky. We're lucky to have each other.
Fuck the world and all it's senseless people.
Give a homeless person your extra dime, because karma will come and bite you right back in the ass.
Sushi on Bloor is far more better than you'll ever be.

comme une cocotte.

sur une branche
je commence,
toute petite,
forte comme le vent.

embelli de chaque côté
plusieurs plis a mon visage
je grandi avec le temps

tu me regardes, mais tu continue à marcher
ton attention capturer
par ma personalité
ou la vision de quelque chose
equilibré.

tu avais la chance de me ramasser
mais malheureusement
to a décider
de m'écrasser
avec ton cristit d'pied.

comme un cocotte je suis,
tu me l'as dit
une chance que la neige a tombé
mon coeur avais déjà froid.
à cause de toi.

vas-tu me reconnaitre un jour?
dans une autre vie
quand je deviendrai quelque chose
plus merveilleux, évolué.
une fleur peut-être.

quand tu me serre dans ta main
je suis prisse
laisse moi
je veut résisté à tout ce qui pourrais me plaire
même toi.

je suis presque envolée
sous le bras d'un autre gars.

ziggy stardust.

so where were the spiders?
while the fly tried to break our balls?
just the beer light to guide us...
david bowie = lyrical genius.

today, my horoscope reads : 'watch out for irate ex-dates waving flags and beating their chests today...this type of encounter may cause you to spill your latté.'

funny thing.
everything's so funny these days.
from all the mexicans in the lunch room, to a quebecqer's explaination. all is funny again. i thank me for that.

i want to make a snow angel. sometimes i wish i had a backyard for that simple purpose. we're winterizing the patio this weekend, should be fun. run some errands at the home depot.... space heater- that'd be a good name for a band. that, and the cotton candies ;-).

cryptic.

having hidden meaning; mystifying.
secret or occult.
using code or cipher.
tending to conceal or camouflage.

101000111010101010001010001010.
can you read me now?

C is for calm, comfortable, collected & coward.

Barenaked for the Holidays is blaring at the 'loud' level at work.
I, of course, was in charge of supplying today's tunes.
Daytime radio makes me want to vomit, or cry, possibly both.
Love song after love song with a little 'Rockin' around the Christmas Tree'
I'm pretending to type away the disputes.

They are very pleased with my work. I think I'm going to jump on the citi-haul. Weekends off, pockets full.

Remember that kid you were jealous of in elementary school because he/she would always bring awesome cupcakes on his/her birthday because mom just happened to have extra time on her hands... Yeah. It's so hard to be a six year old with all these responsibilities. So FULL!

I questioned the game before it was over a few days ago, only to find out that you're a coward. If you're playing, you want to win the prize- my walls weren't completely down, so I played it safe. All I was was a good cat, a good tease. Someone to entertain your pathetic life. Hooray for me, if only I'd invest as much money as I do time. Sleepless nights are no longer and there is a ban on rolling around with laughter in the sheets. Careful what you do, you don't mess with me. My heart has been played around with too many times. Your chapter is written. I'll make milions off of you.

Thanks to all of you who have supported Renée in the corner gas comic genius contest! As it winds down in it's last week, I was unable to upload new stuff as my computer put my life on pause. Thanks again, much love and keep peeking for new stuff to come.

I wish the santa clause parade was every Sunday. I proudly wear my 'fuck this' pin today.

I haven't blogged like this since 2000!

i feel so inspired
fresh like the apricot scrub
you keep me on my toes

tonight was too short
things unsaid
half a thought
through my teeth
you're a mystery to me

this game!

heart racing
off guard
unplanned
rosie cheeks
pleasure to meet

Eric.

'it's good to see you'
we said
crazy to think it's been
a decade since
the red playground tube
the cinnamon gum kiss.
i'll never forget.

you wrote to me.
un ecrivain voulant cinquante feuilles
pour decrire ma beauté
you drew from the heart
to heal my insecurities.
eleven years old
5 miles apart

we kept it a secret for time
experimenting with
the meeting path behind
your house
until hatrid blossomed with
adolescence
you wrote to me. again.
this time
not my friend.

summer passed
we grew up it seemed
it was enough to send
out the secret again

we broke the rules
silently
under unknown sheets
years have gone by since

she caught you looking at me
'you love her' echoed in my ears
what a discovery
good to see you again.
my pool boy.
cheers to serendipity.

The goose chase....

While pretending to be detectives from a past life, it dawned on me. I had a hidden gem somewhere still on the internet. www.poetry.com to be exact. And like a real detective at work, i dug it up.

Here it is Watson. 'a la Shakespeare' grade 9 styles.


Deep within one's heart, ly'est an affection.
One of many, which conducts a confession.
Thou play'est a goose for thee to chase,
The hare this time, shall win the race.

Mark me, I will inquire you out,
Give me leave or a guiding shout.
Thine eyes observe a closed path,
For the feelings that thou hath.

O' thy dear love, be thy speed,
Surround thy fool's every need.
Apace! Nomely in thy drift.
Wilt thou behold shuch a shrift?

Alas! I seek you hiding afar!
Come forward,
Misadventured as doth be,
Find the feelings thou hath for thee.
For awakening, without the beauty of such a face,
Shall cause this hare to lose the race.

CORNER GAS COMIC GENIUS!

VOTE FOR ME @ http://www.cornergas.ca/comicgenius/?view=routine&routine=107080&index=26

Thanks for all your support!
Don't forget to register first!!!

xoxo
Renee

kisses from accross the table.

i wish he could of seen your honest tears.
you're beautiful baby girl.
don't waste those eggs and untoasted bread
on what could have been.
now's now.
sometimes i wish i wasn't so far away.

forget you.

November 26th, 2005.

drunk. ¢╝

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Chantale Renée
Birthday:	April 2nd, 1983
Birthplace:	Ottawa, Ontario
Current Location:	Toronto. Annex snob.
Eye Color:	Blue/green
Hair Color:	Auburn
Height:	5'3"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right handed
Your Heritage:	French-Canadian... ouain tabarnaque.
The Shoes You Wore Today:	My slip-on teal mary janes.
Your Weakness:	Generous to a fault.
Your Fears:	Thunder storms and lightning.
Your Perfect Pizza:	Mmm.. anything. Pizza sounds good right now.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	No more seriousness. Seriously.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	BRB.
Thoughts First Waking Up:	Someone better be making me banana pancakes.
Your Best Physical Feature:	My eyes and waist.
Your Bedtime:	Well after midnight, just before dawn.
Your Most Missed Memory:	Recently, the robot.
Pepsi or Coke:	Coke in a can, Pepsi from a fountain.
MacDonalds or Burger King:	MCDonald's fries, BK burgers.
Single or Group Dates:	Either one. I'd be myself either way.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Lime green tea. All the way.
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Twist. The best of both worlds.
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Tea. I dislike coffee tasting things.
Do you Smoke:	Cigarettes never. Green things, occaisionally.
Do you Swear:	Only when pushed to.
Do you Sing:	Everyday.
Do you Shower Daily:	Everyday.
Have you Been in Love:	I have loved many. Never been IN love. I heard it hurts.
Do you want to go to College:	I've been, it was nice. You should go.
Do you want to get Married:	Not right now. Perhaps one day.
Do you belive in yourself:	Of course, it's the most important thing.
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Only when I don't know where I'm going.
Do you think you are Attractive:	What a vain question to answer...
Are you a Health Freak:	I have my moments.
Do you get along with your Parents:	Very well actually. I miss them all dearly.
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Negative. See 'FEARS'.
Do you play an Instrument:	I play guitar and soon, the harmonica!
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Why yes.
In the past month have you Smoked:	See next question.
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	Yes.
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Yes.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Yes.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	Is this my mother?
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	More times than ever!
In the past month have you been on Stage:	Yes.
In the past month have you been Dumped:	I've been let down. Not dumped.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	Does dipping count?
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	Yes, accidentally. Haha.
Ever been Drunk:	I am right now.
Ever been called a Tease:	Twice, daily.
Ever been Beaten up:	Nope. I always win.
Ever Shoplifted:	When I was a tween.
How do you want to Die:	Loved and remembered.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	An EC dancer. A barbie photographer.
What country would you most like to Visit:	Asia and Europe.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	I'm not picky.
Favourite Hair Color:	Why be choosy.
Short or Long Hair:	It's all about personality baby.
Height:	Taller than me, that's all I ask.
Weight:	Just be beautiful and you'll win.
Best Clothing Style:	Anything original. Urban.
Number of Drugs I have taken:	Just marijuana. I would never do anything else.
Number of CDs I own:	I can't count that right now.
Number of Piercings:	4, 2 in each ear.
Number of Tattoos:	1, the comedy and tragedy masks on my right ankle.
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	Several things. But I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Dear Jared Sales.

I am shocked, appalled and visibly insulted by the material you used during your set at the Fresh Meat showcase yesterday evening. I had nothing but complete respect for you as a fellow comic and Humber alumni, until half way through your set. Confused? Let me refresh your memory.

On Monday, March 21st and Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005, I posted up on my 'blog' two very personal entries. Now to clear things up... I don't write on here for anyone but myself. If you chose to read it, be my guest, but these are my published words, archived for whatever purpose. Not for someone else's jokes.

As a comic, I will agree that some of it was potentially humorous, but as a person I have to disagree on your actions. You bastardized what was significantly a hard time for me to go through and word around says you've been using this to your advantage for quite sometime now. I ask you to stop.

I don't care if it's funny, it's my material, no matter which way you look at it. How dare you even think of going ahead with such a 'bit' with me amongst the crowd?

I want you to know that I am hurt. You've made a fool out of me and I don't appreciate it. However, I am glad that you've been enjoying my writing.

Oh, and let's clear one more thing up- I'm twenty-two.

Congratulations on your nomination.

The man of my dreams...

must be...

hello? is it me you're looking for?

So many changes going on. I'm afraid. I'm excited. I'm stoked!

I've been asked to do some promotional Fear Fest work on tv for Wonderland! They told me not to shower- this should be scary indeed!

Going to Ottawa on Friday. Going to be my old self on Saturday and going to be wonderful. Had a 'real' interview this morning... things are looking well. I've never been on 'salary' before... but I'm sure I'd find ways to get used to it.

I'm sick of all these signs!
Pick up the phone already.

comedy vs. tragedy

like day vs. night
the sun overlooks
as I ignite into laughter
full of life
nothing could come between
the charm and i.
then
like a sneaky vilain
the moon strikes twelve
and i morph into recklessness
thoughts spinning around
in my head
somewhere so close
yet so far away
i remember you yesterday.
dazzled, i sit pondering
trying to make sense of it all
another day, another turn over
like hot to cold
so serious, unfunny.
suddenly i've become.
could it be the music?
could it be the words?
could it be the dreams?
am i repeating myself?
i care. i care so much.
helpless and hypocritical
i lie in bed
time to write again.


Your memory keeps me awake.

dear diary.

For some reason, typing words into this confined rectangular space feels like a remedy to me.

Everytime something happens... I run towards a notebook. Sometimes it ends up on this so-called blog. I often re-read what I write and examine the healing process of it all. kind of neat. My life documented. By day of pain, or day of joy.

I sang out loud biking my way home tonight. I didn't care who was listening. I was feeling great. I have done what I thought was impossible.

When you're content, there's just some words you keep private.
And when the time is right, they turn into beautiful music.

oh

...how I don't want your buzz to end.

when words and attempted talent collide...

Kat and I have recorded beautiful music.
Feel free to tickle your ears with http://myspace.com/chantalelalonde!


To eat the middle first ice cream and the opening of doors!
I'm blessed to have you in my life.

I'll be trecking down to Ottawa on the weekend of September 16-19.. make sure you check Kat Burns out at LadyFest on Sunday. We'll be in touch. We'll party.

let's play dress up.

September is coming around the corner faster than I thought. I wish I was buying binders and highlighters and erasers and sparkle pens and liquid paper and a Spongebob lunchbox... but, I'm not.

It's odd not returning this year. Is real life already here?

I lied, I bought a notebook, hehe.

"Birds flying high, you know what I mean..."-Bublé

Things are fantastic. Getting ready for a Renée comeback this fall... Summer has been as exciting as it has been difficult, but the stars are on my side. Quite the stories to write, the memories to keep and the outings to laugh about.

I keep thinking I'm going to run into you somewhere along the streets that seperate us...You're hardly real to me.

Oh how I want to fuss and scream like a six year-old.
I'm on my knees, in the corner... have I done something wrong?
I've been nothing but a good girl, so where's my game for two?

Time to let patience take a hold. Ugh. I can feel my knees weaken...I'm going to color all over the walls!

time to finish that novel...

my face hurts from smiling so much...
somethings are just worth the wait.

Overdrive.

I seem much happier they say.
so many distractions
i can't keep track
the made up stories are playing in my head again
an imaginary man who once existed keeps sweeping me off my feet
my knight in shining armour
the search for him is turning into misery
nothing can replace what once was
but will better be here soon?
nights of longing like never before
i miss waking up with you
i miss our +/-

It's times like these you learn to live again.

say something right now.

Ben Folds blarring in my ears
matty j. chasing phoebe like the ass hole older brother
entering and exiting from his -27 degree cubby hole
imitating Marilyn Manson
life is great
drunken french talk in the back of a cab
priceless.
the messages keep popping up
i like you, you're genuine
let's hang out sometime.
you posted on here today- how sweet!
improv night made me crave the stage
more than ever.
you don't know me from before
i wish you did
i wasn't Renée - i was 'fantastique'
Steph Tolev wants to be my boyfriend-
best line ever.
it's sitting on my bed,
waiting for me to turn it on.
oh Haier. Welcome to the 495.
waiting for the window bearer of bad news.
do you fit?
are you mine?

smelly unwashed belly button juice all over your shoe.
HA HA!

STEP UP to the fact that you're always going to be rehearsing 'planned'improv in your parents basement.

my rib cage hurts
'HELLO' he says.

just a thought.

I keep searching for someone who has to find me first.
Within a treasure box
Lies the map to my heart
I live up in the clouds
Three steps towards the stars
You'll find me sitting there waiting,
Wishing to be swept away into a world of dreams.
You must be fit to handle my wishes
You must wish just as hard, but for now...
You must be hiding.


... on another note-

Coming back from Ottawa always does me good. I had a great fun-filled four days that made me realize so much. I thank it for all the small things. Sometimes, in this big awful city, you forget just how important they are. I wasn't able to see everyone I wanted to, but there will always be other times- you're missed! So now it's back to work, and back to life's harsh realities. Things are going better than they've ever been. I feel like a celebrity... who really misses summer camp.

greatest of the great.

today's been uplifting
kind of weird how it all works
i've had enough lows
time to stay on top
of EVERYTHING.

i'm so lucky to be surrounded by incredible people
sometimes i pinch myself
or drizzle a little dabble of paint on the floor
in life you can only count your real friends on one hand
thank you.
for just being.
you know who you are.
my heart smiles because of you.

it hit me like a door in the face
my life is here
my dream came true
and soon, all others will be attainable too
that's what i've been forgetting to do
stay positive
optimistic
happy
anxious for whatever life throws at me.

home awaits me shortly
i can't wait to feel like before
my opposite twin
it's fun to pretend to be someone i'm not
someone i used to be
story of my life really.

the sun is shining in my backyard
grandpa's looking out for me
great things are to come out of this
i'm learning,
i'm feeling,
i'm fabulous.

Rewind a few pages back.

Just when my mind was clear, clearer than it's even been, you decided to pick up the phone and blur my vision again.

it's always like you to mess with my heart. leave it alone.
it's always like you to feed off my weaknesses. let me be.

i don't want to read your book again.

stars said it best- "i'm not sorry i met you, i'm not sorry it's over, i'm not sorry there's nothing to say, i'm not sorry there's nothing to save..."

the day off.

time passed
slow then fast
a day for me
like a zig zag
it was

forced plans
dragged me out
a sheltered hermit
soaking in celebrity gossip
a day off with nothing
too many 'rays' i said

didn't expect to find you
but i stuck around
it's always a pleasure
you made me laugh, like you always did
i always wonder about you
you never left that place in my heart
shy
i was

wish i could
roll off my tongue
so much
weird how it all just comes back
where we were
where we are now
the world is full of magic

i know you better than any girl
but that could go for a few out there
i've changed into a person i love
someone who is complete
someone who is confident
someone who is seeking companionship
now's the time

Tuesday it is.

tonight, times two.

Finally. I've been wanting to finish this song for quite a while now. It's done... and it's even recorded! Check it out, once I know how to put an mp3 link up here, I'll let you hear it too. Time to turn the page and close the book. What better way to do it, than a song?

TONIGHT.

I sat in the sand-extended my hand
But yours was not there to hold.

I watched the sky light up and smiled, oh I smiled
But your face was not around.

I closed my eyes and wondered
Where is he tonight? Where are you tonight?
I closed my eyes to start over new
But all I could picture was you.

Something funny happened to me, today
But you’re not the first person I called.

Something came over me in the afternoon
That what we had is now long gone.

The times are changing and I feel like
I should run away, I should run away.
The days go by so slowly, so slow.
But my last tear was days ago.

I dreamt of a new beginning
You tried to sneak in from a far.

I looked around to try and spot you.
Lifted my guard up and you were gone.

I closed my eyes and wondered
Where is he tonight? Where are you tonight?
I closed my eyes to start over new
But all I could picture was you.

canadian idol.

I had a dream last night that me and hundreds of other people were on our way to some sort of an exhibit. We were walking through my local grocery store to get to it. I don't know why we were talking about Mike Myers, but we were and some stranger came up to me and said 'you might want to go tell that to his face' as he pointed over towards the idol himself.

I almost ran up to him, said hello and tried to shake his hand... right there in the produce section. Then all of a sudden every body realized it was him and I got lost in the crowd.

I don't know why I'm writing about this, it just seemed hilarious when I woke up... something about the environment. Maybe it's time I watch Austin Powers for the 600th time?

it's so hot that...

... cold showers become breakfast, lunch and dinner.
... sheets no longer exist.
... clothes no longer exist.
... conversations are held to a minimum of 5 minutes.
... conversations revolve around how hot it is.
... the bathroom floor IS a great idea.
... une debarbouilette fraiche sur le visage, ca fait du bien!
... stealing fans from the roomates becomes a crime.
... standing in front of the opened freezer door = hang out of choice.
... i could build a wig with the amount of hair that phoebe is shedding.
... home = sauna.
... i'm sticking my feet in a bucket of cold water as you read.

Here's just an added bonus. While some of you might be just as hot, or cooling off in a nicely air-conditioned house somewhere, maybe even swimming in a neighboors pool... think of me.

IN FULL COSTUME AND MAKE-UP.

Booyah.

... i desperately asked my parents to fork over some emergency money to buy an air conditioner.

Double booyah. Now that's extreme.

Oh the wonder...

I <3 my job. I love it so much that I will say it again, for pleasure. Be it my own, or yours. I'm very glad I landed this gig. There's more exposure than that of a 16 year-olds' under-dressed body.

Today, I found a prop in my box. It made things much more entertaining. Scaring people with a cheap plastic horn equaled hours of endless laughter.

One question still boggles my mind. Why do parents say thank you after I've scared their kids, or amused them in any way? It doesn't seem like the appropriate thing to say. And it's as though they hide it from them too. A big 'THANK YOU' is mimed on their lips, like they were the ones that cleverly planned this 'surprise'... and it worked! Either way, I am thanked daily for making young ones smile.

Could I ask for a better job? Not now, if I didn't have this, I'd probably still be writing sad, sad poetry.

A day in the life of me.

Things are going well.
Things are becoming much better.
I can see clearly now, for I have cried my last tear days ago.
I am as strong as a super hero.

Well, I'd like to think so anyways.

Status = changed.

I felt so helpless when I looked at something I told myself I wouldn't.

And now, I'm still crying.

I desperately want this lump in my throat to go away. Hurry before there's nothing you can do or say.

I'm heading towards the stage of hate.

tonight.

I sat in the sand and extended my hand
Yours was not there to hold.

I watched the sky light up and smiled
Your face was not around.

I took a look around and wondered
Where is he tonight?

I cried a little tear thinking
Of all the good times spent

Just another stepping stone
As I ponder what we meant

I dreamt of a new beginning
And you snook in from a far.

I closed my eyes to start over new
But all I could picture was you.


*****


Time will heal the longing. But for now, my nights are filled with unexpected lonelyness. I am strong, I am not alone.

confused.

listening to Stereophonics was a bad idea

i thought things would escalate by now
i thought you would be into it too
we poured our hearts out
and now the time is ticking
i just wish that with you, i wasn't so alone.

i guess it's true, love will make you do crazy things. you look even more insane when you're the only one who is there.

Note to self.

Couldn't of asked for a better day.
Time to sleep and dream the night away.

All is uphill from now on.

Just you wait and see.

A new beginning.

lying together
in a bed of honest tears
boxes surround
our biggest fear

imprints on shoulders
lost in crumpled sheets
yesterday's makeup
and ducks on our feet

a pause breaks the silence
as we hold each other tight
resume, breathe, frown or speak
close together for the supposed last time

when our worlds collide
let's climb inside
crawl underneath the restraints
and find a place to hide

carried your weakness
all the energy was free
and at the snap of a finger
you made me believe
it wasn't meant to be

knew the thoughts you were pondering
all the things kept unsaid
understood why you didn't
tried to get it out of my head

good-bye, is this the end?
can I still call you my friend?
good-bye, i'm missing you
but you're still kissing my forehead.

empty.

The end?

http://www.djnd.com/ComedyYearbook.pdf

T'was the time of my life.
Glad to be free again.

Destiny?

Drowning in a pool of doubt
I feel helpless
Puppet-like.

My destiny is out of control
I feel powerless
Child-like.

The past month has really taken a toll on me... I've become someone I don't know, someone selfish and misunderstood. I am lost, I am beginning to digress, I feel like someone is out to get me. I guess that's the life of a true comedian. I just wish there was something I could do. I wish it was all over. It will be very shortly and I think it's the only thing keeping me sane at this point. I look forward to being successful in my new life.

I want to go down in history.
I don't want to be known as the really nice girl who knows how to make a good punch.

12 more days...

Exhausted, stressed,
mentally and physically.
Anxious for the forward,
adoring you.

There's so much I've been wanting to write about for the past week or so, but those four lines can just about sum it up.

For now, time to get back to rehearsals.

So it all comes down to this...

Tear
Stare
Smile
Think
Pause.
Drop

I broke down again today. I didn't want to let it show.
Renée wasn't even close to being on the 'list'.

Whatever they said was bullshit. That night mattered. They don't look past the present- I'm bitter and annoyed. I tried to leave professionally but was noticed in the distance. I was better after the Tindal hug.

It's great to have the support of your friends... too bad they're also your competition.

There's so much I want to prove, so much I want to say, so much I want to show the world. It's hard for me to come to the realization that maybe it's not my turn just yet...

I cancelled the Rivoli tonight. I know, I'm disappointed in myself too.
I'm on a bit of a hiatus. Renée will be back, I promise- only next time fully recharged and hopefully a little funnier.

I'm going to let these next three weeks take their course.

You can work so hard for something and not even be close to where you want to be.

When I think about it, I really have learned a lot this year. Too bad it wasn't in a classroom.

Thanks for listening.

A Zwuieeee Plouksh.

I got to peak into that crystal ball tonight...

It was one hell of a flash back. And to think it was only 3 years ago. I miss my old life sometimes, I wish there wasn't such a language barrier between it and I. It was weird to be there... I was myself, but a completely different person.

Nothing has changed in Ottawa, not even French improv. Sure... people have 'grown', but it's all still the same to me. I miss it. I miss the jerseys, the nicknames, the crazy songs and the immense amount of 'zest for life' energy. Oh- and Chris Paquette... A drunken womanizer, but eye candy none-the-less.

Jerome and I went out for drinks to one of the campus bars after the game. I ran into more people from highschool and just regurgitated all that 'so what you up to?' crap that we're forced to do now. I always find it hard to get out of those conversations... we all know I'm not a fan of 'take care'- but I highly recommend using it to avoid awkwardness. It sums up the short meaningless jargon from one person to the next.

This afternoon, I morphed back into a sixteen year old. I passed my G2 renewal test. I had an instructor named Saeed who mumbled his words and smelled like pine. I couldn't understand half of what he was saying, so I nodded several times,'uh-huhed' and 'yessed'. I kept asking him retarded questions like : 'So, have you been doing this for a long time?' when we both obviously knew the answer. Tried to score bonus points I guess... I'm a winner!

Tomorrow is the big 'party' get together at good old East Side Mario's... if you're reading this and have no plans, come on out. I'm celebrating being old. I wish my robot was here... thinking of you...

Gnight!

It's good to be here.

Time: 10:35pm

Place: Tim Hortons (the 24 hour one next to Place D'Orleans)

Who: A handful of close friends.

What: Reminising about the 1999 New Year's Eve party at Ben's, the return of purple shirts, bumping awkwardly into old curling coaches...

Ahhh, it's good to be back.

Sometimes, I wish I could peak into a crystal ball and see what my life might have looked like if I had chosen to stay in Ottawa 2 years ago.

I don't think I'd trade what I have right now for the world. Everything is positively amazing. The search for a new 853 is over, we have now signed onto the 495. School has a meaningless week left before rehearsals, life is so great.

I'm as happy as can be.

Emotional words.

I'm so lucky to be with you.

56 % satisfied.

I cried today
I never thought I'd crack.
I kept it in
I couldn't get it out of my mind.
I tried to act like I wasn't hurt
I tried to convince myself it didn't matter.

It had an effect
It silenced the room
It made me think unlike myself.
It altered my assumption
It blurred my vision
It put a sharp turn in the fushia road.

I've lost little hope
I've worked hard for this
I've decided to make a change
I've become reclusive
I've turned bitter
I've made too much of a big deal

Am I angry?
Am I jealous?
Am I worthy of a shot?

Is this what I looked forward to?
Is this what I'm crying about?
I'm stronger than this.

Maybe, somewhere along the vivid colors of my dreams-
I'll change my name again.


Cheers to an extra long weekend.

The truth.

I wrote the previous during today's class. Something in me just couldn't take it anymore, I sat there feverishly writing down the words that came to mind while listening to the simulated conversation around me.

It just fucking clicked.

I could write a lot of things on here, but that would just be a big cry for attention. I'm not one to go on about myself. I'm one to make a difference.

There aren't enough 'me's' out there.
I'm sick of fucking fake people.
Life is unfair.


The stars are on my side.

Stress Agents...

Thoughts
Commitment
Disapointment
Destruction
Believability
Perception
Reality
Justification
Integrity
Leaving
Learning
Teaching
Trying
Intelligence
Maturity
Frustrated
Angry
Eager
Anxious
Negativity
Conceited
Cocky
Worthless
Bullshit.

What is all this?
What have I done?
Few people understand
Many see
Fueling the words I write out of anger
My creative fire lives again.

Tough call for the industry.

So I just got home from the showcase... I clocked in at 2 mins and 55 seconds. Man o man what a load off the shoulders.

I couldn't believe how well everyone did, it was unreal to see the amount of talent (the stand up portion) of second year has... There must have been 8 judges there- from Mark Breslin to good 'ol Dave Flaherty.

Quite the show ladies and gents. Excited to find out the results...

Sitting, waiting, wishing.

Danger!

I will not use toilet products that introduce bad spelling habits.

Upper Management Productions.

I am headlining tonight at uh.. let's call it a corporate gig. Yes, my friend Josh has opened a club in North York which coincidentally carries the name 'Club 180'- do you see my dislike face? I told him to call it Josh's Joke Jamboree, but I guess that wasn't good enough. Boo.

There was a party down on Lakeshore last night... in celebration of Steph's belated birthday. The roomies and I hopped into the Kenmobile where the good times automatically began. I swear, I will honestly miss those EMO blarring moments come May. Anyways, I felt like being classy so I ditched the V-beer. Goodbye Labatt Blue, hello Stella Artois.

Good times kept coming as you can read on Charles's site... but come 5:30 am, after one hour of tossing and turning, I decided to grab a glass of water. The sounds of my cracking floor, along with my drunken stumble made me have motion sickness. I started to feel my mouth water... and soon after, ALAS! I was leaning over the toilet bowl... just once, a nice little batch it was. Mostly jam. But what I'm getting to is, that was the first time I have EVER actually been sick off of alcohol.

In celebration of my well deserved admiration, I bought myself a mini screw driver. You're jealous, I know.

Well time to start writing jokes. With 10-15 minutes, I'm going to have to rely on my cuteness to help out.

Bios are for suckers.

I've been trying to come up with a clever Bio for www.reneesummerfield.com and I think I've come up with something original. I didn't want the typical... born and raised bullshit. So here's a sneak peek:

HOW TO MAKE YOUR VERY OWN RENEE SUMMERFIELD:

Take two semi-French people and make them have a girl.

While you’re at it, plant them in the small middle-class rich white town of Orleans, Ontario.

Make the girl go to schools like Reine-Des-Bois, Léo-D-Coté and Ecole Secondaire Catholique Béatrice-Desloges. (…breathe)

Pay attention to her dream of becoming a professional Barbie photographer. (Don’t worry, this will just be a faze.)

..haha, and that's all I'm showing you for now.

Let me know what you think, this site should be up and running completely very shorlty. EXCITEMENT!

J'ai les grignotises?

This past week has been one I'm surprised I managed to live through.

I'm glad things are seemingly back to normal... after I took the liberty of extending my reading week an extra couple of days...

Part of me is completely excited for the month of May to pop up. I'm about to go head on with a bunch of reality checks and changes. Just another one of those 'it's life' moments. You see yourself going through it in your head, and when it surprises you, you can't believe you're living it. I'm moving to my 2nd apartment in Toronto... now a 3 bedroom, with an added awesome roomate. I'm graduating from the program of my dreams (not so much the reality of things now) and I'll begin work as a 'performer' @ fucking WONDERLAND. I'm telling you this year is my lucky year. Year 22.

Come to think of it, year 22 hasn't even started yet, so I'm eager to see what lies ahead.

Now, all there is left to do is climb my mountain of debt, stomp on it real hard (until it's all dust) and save up some dough. By summer 2007 I want to be somewhere in Asia. It'll happen, dreams come true. I remind myself daily that I am living proof that they do.

Day from hell.

But I guess it was worth it in the end.

Cyber Sez you got a job.

Yes, that's right.
You're talking to Cyber Sue, or Sally, or god I don't know. So it turns out that I'm working for Cyber Sez, an interactive virtual reality playhouse for kids... I still don't know all the deets.

I do know, that on the Wonderland map, it's beside that cool place where you make fake videos.

Oh I am going to make sooo many.

I miss my robot.

WONDERLAND

CALLED.



I am skipping with joy and I don't even know what this phone call is for...
FINGERS= CROSSED.

There is a summer-job god.

Sour liquid centre.

1:30 pm- scheduled time for REHEARSAL to begin
2:00 pm- jazz class STILL in auditorium
2:34 pm- high on pixie sticks
2:53 pm- sudden loss of energy, 7 minute nap
3:45 pm- lunch break (rush to the caf for survival nutrients)
4:30 pm- cue to cue (yawn) get yelled at for not extending MEATLOAF
5:50 pm- high off pixie sticks
6:30 pm- dinner break, morph into huge nerd.
7:30 pm- They have a St Huberts in ETOBICOKE? BRILLIANCE.
7:35 pm- 2nd act cue to cue and full run through... EXHAUSTION.
1:00 am- HOME? I sure hope so.

UP and down

Just one of those nights...

I want to crawl under my sheets with you.

Francis, you get a kiss.

Thank you Francis.
The thoughts of me living in your hair bring back the fun memories of last night. I'll gladly accept that teddy bear flower next time we meet.

I tried something completely new at Yuks last night. I improvised a song on guitar according to an audience member. I (of course) used familiar chords and I think it went over pretty well. I believe I'll try that again tonight @ Spirits. Come check me out.

Sketch show cuts were made today. One of my sketches is on the bubble... I want it in the show so bad! I was casted into 16 sketches during pitches, and 9 of them got cut... two of the ones I'm in now are on the bubble as well. You can never be too sure of anything at this point.

Oh well, tomorrow's another day.

Things not to do before a Renée set.

1- Look through old letters (emails) that you shouldn't have kept in the first place.

2- Think about leaving the boom box at home.

3- Drink chocolate milk.

4- Post up on this.

Reality tears me up.

I just spent the last hour weeping... I was truly touched.
Hooray for Extreme Makeover Home Edition.

You do one good thing for someone and it'll double it's way back to you.
I'm a strong believer in good Karma.

Saturday was probably one of the most 'real' days of my life.

I woke up, well rested, completely prepared for yet another audition. I could have slept in, I could have said 'ah forget it' and I could have stayed puzzled about my future. But I know what I want, where I'm going and that's Wonderland. I was remembered. I made an impact. I was important. I am lucky. I am blessed. I am looking forward to having the best summer of my life. And hopefully Geoff will be my favourite pirate!

Everything happens for a reason. Listening to Damien Rice,after watching a sappy reality show and writing a few meaningful words can really choke a girl up...

I'm so emotional. Geezus.

I got to spend a wonderful evening with my dad too... talking about family, goals, the circle of life, how the world works, why some things happen and fun stuff... I really missed him. I'm glad we got to hang out- and that he met my special someone, it meant so much in so many ways.

Thank you for being amazing.

Ouch.

No call back.
Their loss.

Hello Saturday-
What's that? Another opportunity? Nothing is stopping Chantale from getting an awesome summer job this year. I still hate you MONO '04.

I busted my knee on my dresser delivering the portable phone.
FUNNY BONE CENTRAL.
My gut busted too as I collapsed to the floor.

Somebody help me. I hurts but I can't stop laughing. Phoebe get off me.

I don't want to be a _______

LIFER: "Lie-ph-her" (definition) Someone who will remain at the lowest end of the employment chain, settling for minimum wage for THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. Someone whose life only revolves around 'work' and therefore tries to relate everyone elses' stories to their own 'work experience'. Someone who uses company lingo outside of the premises and who is only in contact with those who share the same interest.

Can you tell that I'm just a little bit peeved at something?

My hours got cut. AGAIN.

Oh, I'm skipping with Joy.
I hate job hunting, I love interviews.
I just wish money came to me.

Had a wicked interview today, so I've got motivation to quit the shoe house soon. Let's hope.

What ? No gun?

Howie, Howie, Howie.

What more to say? What an episode today... it was a sudden cry for help and we're all genuine people, so we gave him the best we could. I'm finding, that as the year is slowly finishing up, everyone is bursting into some sort of fit to stand out. That, and we're all becoming close friends whether we like it or not. Face it, theses people are family! 2 years (of unforgettable college experience?)is coming to a quick end.

Thank god no one pushed Howie's bad button, I was sure he was going to kill himself, or someone else in the room.

Thank you Camiel for giving me shelter when I couldn't help but snicker under the chair.

Things like this scare me.
I wish I were a better person under this circumstance too.

Burning down the Korean Grill House...

I don't think I've had this much fun, on a weekend, in a long time. I'm going to blame it on the new kids at Payless who have (unwillingly) taken my shifts. Thank you.

FLUID rocked the two-seven-nine last night- they're great guys from Ottawa and had quite the Toronto (Pickering?) fan base. I couldn't help but notice their 'groupies'... they all had some sort of re-occuring theme. Could it be the blonde hair? The platform shoes? Their lack of personality? The cut-up Fluid t-shirts? My dad made those shirts. Fern would never take a pair of scissors to a t-shirt... I was critical and sarcastic because... oh, I don't know... alcohol? Yeah, hammered. Those vodka-crans just kept coming and coming. Yay FLUID!


Today I bought tons of feel good things like food, a book and some cds. Just one of those rewarding-type days where you feel you deserve certain 'necessities'. I also bought some homeless guys' art. He makes cool figurines with coat hangers. I got a little guy holding a mic. DONATION = $2.63

Lauren and I fought boredom like queens this afternoon. We made the best decision ever... and that was to go see FINDING NEVERLAND. Officially added to my 'favorites' list, I don't think I have EVER cried this much in a movie, except for maybe Brokedown Palace. I kept weeping in the washroom afterwards, on the street too... this movie has affected me so much. Such beautiful words, story...ah! AMAZING. I've seen so many reproductions of Peter Pan's story, since it is my all time fave, but this one is incredible. By far, the best.

I wanted to eat somewhere fun and different, so we tried the Korean Grill House on Queen, a place where you cook your own food. There's this fire pit in the middle of your table with a grill on it. We got things like squid, fish, pork, beef and chicken...The idea was cool, but then everything kept tasting like gas and burning. Yum? I got bored with the meats and needed some greens so I ordered a 'awad'. According to the receipt, that's a salad. On top of my semi-disapointment, I had to be an idiot and knock one of our little side dishes into the fire pit. What? The smell of burning plastic is awesome with a side of awad. Luckily, I pulled it out before I caused a scene, until moments later it happened again. EVERYTHING IS OKAY. I KNOW CPR.

Tomorrow, things go back to normal. Oh how much fun it is to be living in a dream.

This song is for you.

Sitting in my room
Playing on my guitar
Thinking of us
How opposite we are
You tell me it's left
I'll say that it's right
Shut up and tell me
You'll spend the night

A challenge a day
I'm up for the ride
As long as you let me
Be by your side
I will stumble
But you'll be there
Ad while you catch me
I'll tie my hair

Oh, we're friends with a past
And we're not sure if this will last
We're scared and confused
But there’s nothing that we can lose
And we both understand that
There's plenty of time on our hands

In your arms
I'm awakened
In your eyes
I see
What I longed for
and where I want to be

There’s something about you
I can’t live without
There's so much I want
That may make us doubt
Where we belong
And what to do.
But baby, remember
I’m crazy too.

Oh, we're friends with a past
And we're not sure if this will last
We're scared and confused
But there’s nothing that we can lose
And we both understand that
There's plenty of time on our hands

In your arms
I'm awakened
In your eyes
I see
What I longed for
and where I want to be

Copyright Ducksterz 2005.

Depresseduary

According to several websites, January (the most depressing month of the year) has an equation... I found it quite interesting and true.

The model is: [W + (D-d)] x TQ
M x NA

The equation is broken down into seven variables: (W) weather, (D) debt, (d) monthly salary, (T) time since Christmas, (Q) time since failed quit attempt, (M) low motivational levels and (NA) the need to take action.

And so, I bring to you- my way of battling the blues.

Call back ?

I just got home from the shortest audition ever. It's for a touring children's theatre company... "Jillian Jiggs and the Secret Surprise!" It went great, I have a good feeling about it- but then again, I'm sure everyone else who auditioned does too. I just read parts of the script and had a mini-interview... things would change completely if I get this job. I have to take a look at this from two point of views.

PRO
I'd be travelling across Canada with 3 other actors for four months, staying in hotels, getting paid a fair decent amount of money, entertaining kids, meeting all kinds of people... this would be the near-perfect job! I'd be considered a thespian.

CON
I'd be away from 853, no showcase show, sketch show or industry show... let alone graduate? I'd miss Colin incredibly, my family, friends, life in Toronto, Phoebe...the hunt to find another home... I'd have to have all my things packed for March, since that is when the touring begins.

There's a lot to consider both ways, but we all know I'll go for it.

oh boy. Experience and money vs. diploma and regularity.... how quickly my life could change... I hope I get a call back.

There were 3 others at this audition and I couldn't help but hear the other girl preparing with exercises like "Hmmmmaaaaaaaaaaah!" "Gna! Gna!"- I jumped to the conclusion that she was friends with Cindy Block. I got up and did a spine roll to see if she'd relate. Apparently Cindy isn't the only voice teacher around town. Oh well.

My name is Phoebe, I'm annoying and like to knock things off dressers.

God bless Adam Cawley.

After waiting 5 subways for Adam and Duncs this morning, I decided I needed to take out some money at the Kipling station. When we normally arrive there's a 44 bus already bording people.. but this time I was in luck, no bus. I ran as fast as I could to the bank machine when all of a sudden the bus shows up out of nowhere! I figure I have enough time to press those numbers real quick...and I do, then dash right back to the 44's stop. I couldn't see anyone, they were all on the bus and its' doors were closing!!! All I could see was Adam Cawley's body fighting those stupid looking 'press the bar' doors. I managed to squeeze in, but apparently he'd been doing that for 30 seconds. I never laughed so much at 8:45 in the morning. Adam Cawley, out of all people, fought like an idiot to keep me on the same bus. You really know who your friends are when they go against a bus load of angry 9 to 5 people. "SHUT THE DOOR, YOU MORON"... haha.

Kudos to you my friend.

Humber School of Drama?

Poor Howie Zaidman.

This kid regularily accepts our insults.
He's immune to our countless 'below the belt' attacks.
He doesn't mind when we laugh in his face... and yet when we constructively criticize his spec script(as the teacher told us to) he gets all activated, fails to rip his script apart, throws it in the garbage and runs out of class like a little school girl.

Wow, sometimes I wonder where this kid came from.
I'm going to go with a mule and an old drunk jewish man.

I'm such a meanie... I don't really 'mean' anything I say. Is that funny?
To quote Sarah Hillier "I popped my pimple because of you".

There's a demon in me. Hear him roar. Boom boom boom.

Dave Flaherty, there's another one. Today he called Camiel a hooker in class today. What a teacher. The 8 grand goes to him, completely. At least this week wasn't themed "Throwing toonies to kill some time."

Finding my internal landscape...

Today I created Henry Peters, an african-american high school music teacher. He lives in a one-bedroom apartment in upstate New York with his pet budgie. He hates cats and turns all his mumbles into catchy jazz tunes. All of this came from my inanimate rubber duck. My internal landscape is now paved creatively, thanks Cindy Block.

Sometimes I get out of character, in the midst of all the 'noises' we're making and think to myself- WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!

Watch out for the next Columbine...

Man O man.

I was scared tonight.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing, let alone, seeing.
There are fucked up people in this world and I don't ever want to get on their dark side, on their lists or close to them whatsoever.

How can you not know that you are non-functional in a social situation? If people ignore you, REALIZE IT and MOVE ON. Don't hang around and pretend like these people are your friends! I can't stand it when people just DON'T GET IT. When others are laughing AT you, they are not laughing at the 'jokes' you're attempting to tell, they are ridiculing the fool you're making out of yourself. Understand that no one gets you and your beliefs, that maybe you belong in a different part of society. I can't help it- I know I'm a hypocrite and I'll sugar coat everything... Even if you're someone I loath, I'll still pretend like I give a shit. But I don't and no one else does. We all need a little more honesty in our lives.

oh wow. I'm sorry.

Maybe I should have ranted tonight.

-continued-

Today has been officially 'blame the weather for everything' day. I just don't feel like showing my face anywhere, I want to coop myself up in a ball, close my eyes and hope that when I re-open them, everything will be alright.

I don't get it, so many things are going right for me now. Why do I still feel like there's a giant thumb out to crush me? I figure it's another one of those montly downers... but ah! Right. I'm a girl. I hate this week. Anything will make me cry. I'm an ultra-sensitive partial loser. Anyone want to switch parts with me? ...

tear.

haha, oh come on, snap out of it.

okay. If I say so.

School has been my main concern. It just feels so different this semester. Not like the first day back different... different in the sense where I can't wait for it to be done with. Adios, leave me alone!

Apparently the 'real' life begins May 2005.

It's times like these where I seriously consider writting "French and Confused"- the novel of my life.

If I made films they'd have a samurai.

Oh, the possibilities.

Sometimes, I just sit here and wonder why I've done what I've done. This leads me to believe that I have 'wasted' some precious time... but in the end I've created friendships? It's hard to tell right now, what I want out of this. Sure, I've made contacts and taken in all that I've allowed myself to... but honestly, I can do all of this on my own. I'm rambling.. I'm frustrated.. I'm talent that's going to waste.

I'm not about to let this happen, I will do something incredible and succeed in the image of my dream- even if it means I do not graduate from Comedy school. I know I'm funny. I don't need a peice of paper to tell me, or others that.

I'll explain later. ARg. I wish I were in 01 again.

Kiss me.

I won't worry
I won't wonder
I won't think like I did before
I won't bother
I won't linger
I won't pretend anymore

if you just
if you just
if you just
kiss me.

kiss me.
where I told you to.

I will adore
I will protect
I will keep you safe and warm
I will honor
I will commit
I will cause you no harm at all

if you just
if you just
if you just

kiss me.

where I want you to.

if you just
if you just
if you'd just

kiss me.

Knicky knicky nine doors (reprise)

Trickster, my imagination is.
Sneaking up on my realities.
Am I crazy or deranged?
There's nothing you can do to make me change.

If I had a pencil, I'd erase
All the scribbles I drew on your face
I'd even add a mouth that looks funny.
To show how young you use to be.

I am living in the colouring book of my life
And someone,
I don't know who,
Has drawn outside the lines.
Could it be you?
You.
Could it be you?

I'm scared that someone's at the door.
Knocking 4 then 5 times more
Tell him that he can't take me away
Sorry sir, I grew up yesterday.

I am living in the colouring book of my life
And someone,
I don't know who?
Has drawn outside the lines.

Could it be you?
Telling me it's too late?
Could it be you?
Taking my dreams away?
Could it be you?
You.
Could it be you?

DOMAIN NAME BABY.

That's right, you're all witnesses- www.reneesummerfield.com is officialy up and running! Thanks to the amazing Ajay Fry (www.absoluteajay.com) for all his help.

Tonight is one of those weird nights. A night where you've got tons of things to do, where random childhood friends call because they're 'in the neighborhood', where you've got plans out of your ass... and the only thing you really want to do is play some guitar and cuddle with someone.

Good thing I've got my guitar.

Smiley smile.

The void I felt is no longer.

Glad you walked back into my life.

I missed you.

I am happier than ever.

The stars are on our side.

This World.

I turned on the 6 o'clock news
Your face was there in fear
You were lost and confused
Wish I could catch your tears.

Your faith was unpredictable
And many others too.
What is this ignorant world
coming to?

I read the paper earlier today
It said that things were going to be okay
I don't beleive a word they say
The next disaster's just a day away

If I were wealthy I'd be there
Helping because I honnestly care
Your face tells a milion stories
What you lost is now history.





I wrote this a week after the Tsunami disaster.