Safety dance.

She's alright!

Phoebe is OKAY.

I had a scare yesterday... I learned she was alone without food for a couple days. And me, being the overprotective worry-wart 'mom' that I am... panicked, of course.

I just got off the phone with babysitter # 3- no more worries, I am so glad and lucky to have awesome, awesome friends.

BORING DAY IN OTTAWA NUMBER 10-

Woke up at 11:30am.
Left the house at 2:30 WITH PARENTS.
Got a manicure?
Went to the MALL (10th day in a row, might I add)
Ventured into WAL-MART.
Returned home by 6:00pm.

Highlight= I bought ANCHORMAN!

I know I make it sound worse than it really is... but I can't help but miss being on my own again. What is wrong with me? Wherever I go, I miss wherever I'm no longer.

Pfff. This calls for the making of Anchorman!

Comfortably numb.

I know this town ain't good for me,
Because the people here walk differently.

HONEY, I'M HOME!

And boy was I wrong into thinking things were going to be great. Probably the worst Christmas of all time (or at least in my top 3). Excluding gifts, it was a sad site to see and I was embarassed to be a part of it. The 'it' is what I call family.

I don't know if I'm too grown up, or if I've changed completely- but I don't see myself here anymore. This is not my home, and it wasn't long before I moved to Toronto. I was eager to leave the nest, and now I couldn't be any better. I just came home thinking that these three weeks were going to be filled with happiness and good times. I mean, sure there were a few, but I'm disapointed in myself for assuming otherwise. And it's come to the point where I want to return home prior to the planned date. I've become so particular with my way of life, the people I want to be surrounded by, the shops I go to, the foods I want to eat and the things I want to do... I've learned that I can only handle Ottawa in small doses.

Is that wrong?
Am I betraying my family by disliking what they've always done?
Am I being selfish into thinking I want to go back 'home', when in fact I AM HOME?

Right now, the pace has changed though and I'm feeling more relaxed. I have been welcomed incredibly by everyone I have run into lately. It's a great feeling to hear people notice a change in you. And it feels even better when you're proud of that change.

Despite the angry poems and songs,I've attempted hang out with this new guy. This one thinks I ressemble Ashley Simpson. I wonder what kind of baggage comes with that... I mean, I often get a cross between Drew Barrymore and Rosie O'Donnell... but never Ashley Simpson- I guess that change is paying off. So we'll see what happens with this one, nothing much I predict. Distance sucks.

As for other news in OTown... movies movies movies, that's all there is to do! I've seen Lemony Snikets, Ocean's 12 and Life of Aquatic in a week and a half! I missed the internet like it was life-support. Now it's almost 4 am and I still can't sleep, there's so much going on in my mind- even when my life is on pause.

To those of you who read this and to whom I haven't wished a Merry Christmas yet... MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU. I hope you all got what you wanted from Santa and I wish you health and prosperity for the New Year.

Cheers to good times my friends.

A ramble created by frustration.

I can't stand it when people don't seem to see where I'm coming from. I have a big exam to study for and it's in 7 hours! I don't want to sit around and talk about other shit, I want to study so I can pass this class and graduate- because honnestly, I'm not doing too well in the history department. I just find it difficult for anyone to take me seriously sometimes- because I normally ain't. I want to have fun, can you put that stuff on pause and continue when I can afford to join in? There's nothing more frustrating than sitting in a house with all your friends and having to study. I am not a school body. If I could I wouldn't work, or go to school and just have fun all day. Nobody likes to feel left out, not that I did tonight, I just want you all to go through this with me so you understand. Not everything about my life is a joke. I'm serious 80% of the day. And I'm also a procrastinator + hypocrite- that's it, I'm back to studying. Leave me alone...

Oh...

And don't fucking pick at me because I don't know the meaning of the word 'jaded'. Who cares if I like the way it sounds. For your information, I dictionary.com'ed it and soon found out about its' definition. Way to make me feel small.

ARG, I think I'm stressed.
I want to go home.
I want more money.
I need to get laid!


-bottom line, after tomorrow, all will be fine and dandy. Heck, I'm not even PMSing.

Floating by with flare.

It's been a while since I've felt the need to write down my thoughts. I've been pre-occupied in the performance aspect of my life. I've missed being able to expand my creativity. Tonight, a share with you- a peice.

Can you smell the Holidays? I can't wait to walk down Taffy Lane in Otown and really soak it up. The is the best time of year- I miss it so much and can hardly hold back the excitement of going HOME!

Toronto has treated me well, in a sense where it has given me a taste of the real world. I know that my future belongs here. I know that the friendships I have created under such a creative environment will last almost forever and I know that I belong in the comedy business. I know that I love living on my own, with my best-friends. I know that I enjoy being incredibly independant. Toronto has taught me to be who I am now. It has shown me where I want to be and continues to guide my path towards success. I will be here for a long time.

I almost still can't believe it... That I'm here. I did it. I did what my shut up judges feared the most. I left home to follow my dream because I was always told it was possible. I am living proof that while it may not be easy, dreams do come true.

I sat down today and looked at old year books and pictures.
It was a phenomenon, I swear.

Something came over me, I couldn't grasp or believe that I was leading a brand new life. I've been living this life for almost 2 years now- and it clues in once in a while... that I use to be a different person. I haven't changed much- but my environment has, incredibly. It's like the two almost clash from each other. I have not lost my identity, I have only made it stronger. It's contageous- almost like a drug. I crave to learn more about myself in unkown situations so that I can explore what it's like to be someone else for a bit, or adapt to it the way that I would. When it all comes down to it, I long for adventure in my life- whether it be by travel or experience- I want to live my life to its' fullest and no one is going to stop me.

For the time being, I have become immune to all things that hurt me. I have gotten the attention that I want (and more) and I have realized that there is nothing wrong with the way that I live. I am happier than I've ever been and will continue to think in this mind frame. Otherwise I am restricted from what I love the most, my imagination. That's where girly music helps. Alanis is my savior.

The show went well last night, we killed. I've got mad sketches planned out for the next one. Renée needs to shine, I want to do what no one has done before.

We're hosting another night @ CLUB 853 next Monday (the 13th) so come on out and support your local comics. Email us @ club853@hotmail.com if you want a set. I cancelled my Rivoli spot tonight- I lost my voice. I took care of it up until last night during the show and now it's back to no voice at all.

I miss home so much. I can't wait to be the old me again.

So long.

The damage is done
I'm on my way out
Move over.

You've pushed me aside
I will no longer rescue you
Get out.

You've said what
You should have
You did
What I wanted
I'm frigid and bitter
Too late.

I can't help it
I've been played with
I've been lied to
I've been cheated from
Happiness

I tasted what I wanted
Never got it
So I'm gone.
Just remember
That you hurt me
You're not worth it
So long.