Feeling it.

Just got back from Yuks... my set went pretty well, it's the usual- man that machine is hilarious! Haha, at least I get it more from the comics, which means alot. It feels better when a fellow comedian tells you you're funny... but I always love the compliments from the crowd- who doesn't? Andrew did a great job headlining tonight too, there's lots of talented people in this program, I just want to fastforward to next year already to see who will return. Some- maybe one third, should take a year off. I was a little rusty tonight, hadn't done a set in three weeks. Next week I'll be @ the Yuk Yuks in Ottawa doing my thing on the amateur night. I have to see Ken while I'm there- I feel like a horrible person because I haven't made the effort yet. I didn't go down to Ottawa for his party- I should have been there... but I'm convincing myself that I have to see him, or else... I will regret it forever. Ken is the kind man who owns the iNSTiTUTiON comedy club in Ottawa where I got my start. He was recently diagnosed with CJD, a rare brain disease that affects the nerves and memory. He could die tomorrow for this is a terminal illness. What do you say to someone you know who is truly going to die? Apart from the obvious thanks and admiration, I can't find words to express how seeing him since this devastating news will be like. Him and I were on great terms at the begining and I'll always remember him + the things he's taught me... but now, because of lack of communication, things might be awkward- and if there's one thing I hate, it's awkwardness. I'm sure I'll pull through and send him a nice card or something, cards are always liked...

It's unreal how life works, how one second it's so great, then the other, you look at things and they're falling to peices. We should all be so thankful for what we have, who we have surrounding us, the smaller things too... everything counts in this lifetime- it's way too god damn short.

Hello? I'm sorry, who?

Guess who decides to call, about 5 minutes ago. WONDERLAND. Paramount Canada's Wonderland decides that they need me now for some cyber experience thingy. How insulted am I? Very. I auditioned back in February which was by far, my best audition. I stayed there for FOUR HOURS while they threw scripts and improv scenarios at me and I executed them better than they could ask for. I got the let's tease her and measure every inch of her body so that she can THINK she'll be SpongeBob for the summer. I didn't hear from them until MAY where I got the "We regret to inform you..." letter that had the sugar coated BUT you'll be on our list of people to call if our better ones die. So I got the phone call this afternoon and had to say no because of the drama camp I'll be working on in Ottawa next week, and the Orientation show everyday in August. Sorry Wonderland, you should of called when I was convinced I had the job.

This angers me! Arg... of course I want to work there, but I have prior commitments. I told myself I wasn't going to audition next year because it was "their loss" but realistically, we all know I will.

It's 2:30 in the afternoon and I haven't showered yet. Nor have I cleaned my dirty clothes. I'm a lazy lazy bastard. Phoebe won't be quiet, I guess she's horny.

Yay! Just got invited to a party on Canada day- and I'm apparently the surprise guest. It'll be fun to hang out by the poolside with some beers and my old improv buddies.

Alright, I need to do something with myself today. Yuks Yuks tonight- if there are any Renee Fans out there ;-)

How to defer to men in solve-able predicaments...

Ah! Alanis. If there's one thing I need after a breakup or a heartache... it's a good ol' Alanis tune. Her lyrics make me feel like I could conqer all problems, and possibly build a bomb. They reach out to me when I need them the most. For example: this week. So many things have triggered my emotions. Take a look...

Something great happened about two weeks ago... I attended my first staff party for the new job that I'm working at. I've been there for maybe a month now and have already slept with one of the waiters. REWIND... let me tell you how it happened. There are two men involved here. Both waiters whom I'm attracted to. I found guy (A) to have an immense amount of sex appeal and thought him to be picture perfect. Guy (B) on the other hand, fucking sexy with that typical 'bad boy' asshole cover-up. Both of these men turned out to be at that party. In my wasted stutter, I found myself dishing out my feelings to guy (A) and having guy (B) professing his want to "fuck the shit out of me". What does a girl like me do in this situation? I turned down guy (B) because apparently my hormones weren't working that night- and ask out guy (A) for some drinks later on in the week. I have to admit, the date was great... guy (A) paid for everything, got me roses (which are still at his place) and gave me a foot massage. But we were loaded and things ended up getting pretty hot in the wee hours of the morning. One thing led to another and well, I've had way better drunken sex than that... t'was fun, but only that. So now things are a little awkward at work because we've decided to stay friends... 'with benefits' he says... Sorry conservative bastard, you just missed the fun boat, oh look... it's sailing away. So I felt like I was a bit used... sex is sex, I know- but there was something about this one. I felt like I could have broken down his wall of stubborness with my spontaneous cute 'six-year-old' attitude, I did... I know I did, but he's too hard headed to admit it. Life is too fucking short to not want to have sex on the back of a bus. Let's just leave that at that.

Was it wrong of me to ask guy (B) for drinks THIS week?

You'll find out in episode two.

I was just a little thrown off by things, where guy (A) turned out to be the "not-my-type" asshole and guy (B) well, he was just wasted. I don't think I'll ever find someone like me, I'm 10 years behind these old farts.

This morning was a rather emotional morning. I woke up to my roomate leaving for a couple months. Not only will I now be alone in my 2 bdrm apartment, but I had to say goodbye to a dear friend. He'll be on the road filming with his work, but we'll keep in touch I know for sure... he's just so awesome, it's hard to believe he's not here right now and that we're not getting stoned, watching Steve Coogan videos.

#1 problem for me = I get attached quite easily... But this whole dating thing is turning out to be one heck of a game- I've really enjoyed throwing out the bad ones cause they've made me realize that's not what I want. Speaking of which, I don't want my x's shit here anymore... the guy can't even pick up a phone! Therefore- GARAGE SALE this Saturday.

No, I can't... I'm not that kind of person, I stick to my word... but I'm right pissed off about the situation.

I never thought my life would revolve this much around boys. It's all about my career, and always will be. But everyone needs some part time loving. Why don't they ever want to be full timers?? That's my question.

I leave on Canada day for Ottawa, my home town. Best place to ever be on such a day... most amazing downtown scenery. I'll be warping back into the "Bottine" I used to be at summer camp for the past 2 years. I can't wait, my life will feel fufilled again- I'll be with kids, life will be worry free!

By the way, this is my new blog... I've gotten real lazy with Tripod, it takes way too long to update. This is a more mature, blunt version of Quacking it up. Feel free to judge me- here's where I don't give a shit.

Take care, brush your hair. - an actual quote guy (A) uses cause he thinks he's so god damn funny.

*GAG.