I'll have one of these...

Is it possible to obsess over the smell of your hair? Today, if I could have chosen, I would have wanted to be uncle IT.

I've been underproductive. That might not be a word, but to me it's today's motivation. I sat on my ass until 2, had a meeting at 2:30, came back home for 3, called in sick for work and am still sitting on my ass right now. That's crap! I hate these kind of days but you know you need them once in a while. It's not that I'm depressed or need to be alone... I just need to think things through and make sure I start off new come September. I am a much better person than what this past month has made me seem like.

I quit my job this past week, making this week my last one there ( the rumour palace). I got rid of every shift possible. This might seem like a "run away" plan but it's got more strategy to it than that. Let me explain what has happened since episode 1...

It has made me feel like I'm being played with, in more than just the litteral sense. I hosted a party this past Friday and invited whomever wanted to come. It was a wonderful, small turn out, but some guests should have stayed home. Shall I refresh your memory with guys A & B? Apparently on a count of "how bad I wanted him", guy (B) made an appearance.  I was having an awesome time with some non-work related friends when he walked through my door. At this point, I was excited to see what was on the other side of the fence (thinking guy (A) and I were completely over...) I proceeded to give guy (B)  a tour of my place. I inevitably stopped by Sarah and I's joke of a "makeout room", formerly my roomates. Guy (B) took this opportunity to close the door to "7 minutes in heaven" and kiss me. I was in shock. We started talking about the attraction that was obviously still there between us.. and kissed some more. It felt great, passionate and I wanted more.

Now there was another guest of mine who's intentions, I'm sure, were obvious from the start. She kept on telling me how much of a player and desperate for sex guy (B) was. With her "much love" for him, I felt like I should back off... there was something there I didn't want to mess with. I'm not the kind of friend who plays with another friends' garbage. "There is nothing between us"... yeah, right- you just don't want me moving in on "your" guy. I get it.

Was it bad of me to think, fuck that- I still want to have relations with this guy? No, I don't think so. But more and more throughout the night, she kept discouraging me and putting him up on a pedistle when it came to their relationship... so I came to the conclusion that I would indeed, back off. I'm still attracted to this guy, I just need to draw the line.

I'm getting to the worst part of it now... I was ticked off at guy (A) right? So, when he called to say that he was on his way, I wanted guy (B) to stay...  I called guy (A) back and told him to turn his cab around (let's not forget I was WAY wasted.) And I could tell he was pissed off about my comment... I mean, who wouldn't- I don't think I've ever been THAT mean to anyone, EVER. Well anyways, guy (B) stayed some more, we talked about our numbers we'd soon be dialing and he left thinking we were soon to do the deed. To think of it now, I totally lead him on. GOD that was fun!

The party died down and I was a little confused about the whole situation so the girls and I talked it through... until 4:30 am when guy (A) decided to call. My emotions were all over the place and I appologized about my command profusely... We talked about our supposed 'relationship' , where we stand and it was good.  He didn't even get that mad when I told him everything was because of guy (B)...We talked for maybe 30 minutes, I'm not too sure if he was drunk or not- probably so.

He was even more wasted when he called me at 6:30am, claiming to be at a nearby internet cafe checking his emails... WHO DOES THAT AT 6:30 IN THE MORNING??? PISSED DRUNK!? He stumbled over to my apartment, lay down on my entrance floor, pat Phoebe until she meowed so much it hurt... then called a cab and went home. Now that was fucked up! I've had this on my mind since Friday... I don't know what to make out of it... but I DO know that I don't want to persue anything with either of these guys... too much restaurant drama for me. I'm in need of a much more better guy- whom in turn, will benefit from my sanity also.

So I'm not showing up at work....simply because I am the better person. I will move on and be successful, and this little 'triangle' will not have affected me whatsoever. I will not keep a grudge against anyone, but I will put down my past workplace. People knew more about me, than I did... and that, my friend, is wrong. Rumours hurt, and I've got dreams to fufill.

The episode is over, I hope... and I thank you for listening to it.  I just needed to get this off my chest, once and for all, and down on 'paper' for a possible chapter in the book of my life. I swear I'm going to write one.

I'm currently watching/listening to the Joe Shmoe show... JONOVISION is on it as the "got-to-be-gay" guy... it's hilarious! I've been watching tv since 6pm, like a real reality whore. Trading Spouces, For Love of Money, Oblivious, In a Fix, ... god there's something about a one hour show that keeps you hooked so much, the time flies by so fast! I came across this  commercial for Mars cookie bars, I think it was... it's this little kid who is unwraping the bars and putting them into his lunch box while the wrappers of the treat fall on top of the dog lying on the floor. That was a long sentence... anyways, there is this tiny tiny, fine print at the bottom of the screen that reads " DO NOT FEED CHOCOLATE TO DOGS". I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Children, who will be too young to read, will be the ones doing so... the older ones already know that. I could be wrong, but everyone knows that chocolate can kill an animal.. right?

I must have made 10 new pairs of earrings tonight...I'm bound to sell them sometime this week on the ever-so-busy streets of Toronto. That is if I'm not too busy promotting/selling this show I'm working for... This week, I need to find some sponsors for a one-woman show that I'm helping (thanks Lara) and it all seemed easy, but I think it's going to take alot of work. Ah well, I'm jobless anyhow, so making money might as well occupy my time. I also need to find myself a new job for September... I'm glad I'm going through this faze, I need to "spring clean" my brain out for the upcoming challenges that school will bring. Man I miss it so much.

In the meantime, don't worry about me, I'm still smiling. YAH YAH YAH.